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hi everyone

#1
Rainbow 

well I have no idea where to start, so I guess first things first
I am starting my journey again as Jessica, (sigh) yes this means that I am trans !
yes I choose this absolute hell of a journey to hopefully find peace in my life at some point
so far I have never been truly happy in life, not really sure if i will ever find the happiness that i look for. i have been married and quickly divorced, i came out to all my friends and family, which to say the least didnt go well, i had lost my friends except a few
my family tolerates my decision to transitition but does not accept it, kinda took a two year absence from life after I was assaulted. pretty much just gave up on life after that.
well i hope i can find some help here at least until I can afford to see a therapist again to get my letter for hormones
I have been pretty dumb in the past trying overseas hormones via the net
ended up in the hospital a few times in doing so, not the smartest thing I've done in life
I kinda want to see what natural remedies can do for me and hopefully not end up in the hospital again
well I'm sure Ill be chatting with you soon
I'll try to keep updating as I can





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#2

well I have just started my NBE journey as of Friday afternoon
came home to a few new packages at my doorstep (woohoo)
anyways one package was my Brava domes then another with
a sportbox inside and finally my order from nature day
I quickly opened all three to inspect for damages, all seamed to be OK

so my NBE program for the last year has been up and down and really
not consistent with how hetict work has been
so for the past few yers I have been very strick with taking my antiandrogens every morning
and night. I had bought a nb with manual pump quite some time ago which I tried to set aside two hours every night to sit down and noogle, but very rarely did what I ment to do. since I received my brava Friday I have been averaging 12 hours a night and after removing the domes I apply the nature day cream to each breast and massage untill the cream begins to absorb and repeat again with a little more cream

about me:

age 37
underbust: 34.5"
bust: 39"
overbust: 40"
waist: 31"
hips: 41"
height: 6'2"

my program:
mornings: 7 am
2 100mg spironolactone pills
3 droppers ND serum with 8oz water
remove Brava domes
massage with ND cream 5-10 minutes

afternoon: 6 pm
massage with ND cream 5-10min
3 ND capsules

evenings: 8pm
2 100mg spironolactone pills
apply Brava domes with sportbox

any thoughts or suggestions
I would greatly appreciate any appreciated

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#3

Hi, Jessica! Welcome to the site and I hope you have LOADS of success in getting what you want to be happy again!! :-)
One question, what kind of assault did you endure? I've had at least two myself. Not incredibly nice ones, either!! The first could've been horrific, the second was just brushed off moments later. The "third" was just sheer stupidity. PM me if you don't want to say it publicly.
Take care!! :-)
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#4

Hi miss, thank you for the warm welcomes :-)
I hope to find it too, its been far too long since I have been happy about myself
so sorry to hear of your assaults
I know I am not the only person in this world who has been attacked in their life
I have heard and I've read far to Many horror stories of people like myself being
abused, attacked and beaten sometimes even worse for what we are.

I have lived most of my life in fear of someone finding out my desire to be different from who I was.

I hate doing this but I feel everyone should know how hurtfull this world is
to some people
I was on my way to a localish midtown area that is tg friendly
an area I've been to quite a few times with some of my gg's before
well I had gone alone hoping to build my confidence and possibly meet some new people
like my self, well anyways I made it about fifty feet from my car
and heard these three a••holes begin to call me names and as I was about
to tell them to leave me alone, one had grabbed my hair and jerked my head back
as another kicked me in the stomach, which I just fell to the ground and curled up and waited for my "end" as they kept kicking and punching me, then they were just gone

I grabbed my things and got the hell out of there as quickly as I could, when I got home I sat in the car for hours thinking of ending my life......finally knowing I had been hurt pretty badly I decided to go inside and fix myself up, when I saw what was in the bathroom mirror, ashamed of what had happened and upset with what I am i somehow shattered all the mirrors and sat in all the broken pieces, again thinking of my way out, and one thought of my mom and I stopped thinking of what I was about to do.......

some cuts a lot of bruises and a couple broken ribs meant absoultley nothing compared to how mentally unstable I had become from it


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#5

That's a sad story and I'm REALLY sorry you had to go through that!! It MUST'VE been HORRIBLE!! :-(
Well, one night in the summer of `85 or 6, my band decided to have a private party in the house where we rehearsed because my singer and bass player both lived there. Just a few weeks or so before this, I'd taken to wearing a leotard, tights/pantyhose and a short skirt to play gigs because even shorts were too confining on my legs to play drums the way I do. There were other reasons (besides being like you), mostly to do with physics, I guess you could say, and my ability to play better. Well, shortly before we were ready to start, I went upstairs to change into my playing gear. A few moments after I went to get the rest of the band (the house was FULL of people by then) and let them know I was ready, I started hearing some voices calling me a faggot, then they started chanting "kill the faggot!!" (The ONLY way I could be gay is if I was a girl!! Maybe some day!) Then they started chasing me through the house and this massive crowd of people!! There was only about 4 or 5 of these Oi boys, but, I guess I got a tad scared or something. I just wanted to avoid a conflict, so I ran back upstairs and hid in a dark room, but the door had no latch or anything, so I had to hold it shut with my foot and body. They came upstairs and started searching the rooms for me and found that the door I was behind gave a little, so they figured out I was holding it shut. One of them managed to reach his arm in and throw a can of beer on me (he missed, for the most part) and then one or more of them tried lighting a match and throwing at me to catch the beer (and ME!!) on fire!! After a few more minutes, they gave up and ran off yelling that they were going to get me, and, just to play it safe incase one was still waiting in the hall, I went to other end of the room and climbed out the front window, off the porch roof and dropped onto the porch right beside my singer who was talking to a bunch of people!! He asked what was going on, I told him, he (a Viet Nam vet) ran inside and scoured the place and we couldn't find those assholes!! Apparently they ran away. Moments later we started the show and had no further incidents.
About 10 or 12 years later and, by now my reputation of wearing a skirt to play, was kind of a big drawing point for us and all of our fans not only loved the skirt, they DEMANDED that I wear it because it just wouldn't be a TWL show with out it, to them. Well, we were playing a New Years Eve gig, I think, and, I could get changed backstage and just climb out through the small door onto the stage right into my huge drum set. This I then did! Well, I no sooner sat down behind the drums when some other punker/Oi Boy saw me in a skirt and decided to try and tackle me for being a fag!! He never got to me, but he tackled my guitarist WITH guitar who then fell back onto my right bass drum with the small of his back!! And that tilted my drum towards me in such a way that it snapped my brand new bass pedal off the drum!! The owner of the club, a big biker dude, ran over to the stage, grabbed the asshole and gave him such a ROUSING bums rush out the front door nearly breaking the entire door in the process and told him to NEVER EVER come back again!!!! I think I had to play with one bass drum that night and I use both of them a LOT!!
I don't recall if it was that same night or another New Years Eve gig in the same venue, but, this one winter, it was kind of warm out after midnight and, as we played first this time, I had time to go a block from there and catch a bus home. So, I quickly jumped into a pair of pants (dress pants, actually!), but kept on my black leo, which looked like a skin tight tank top. Who would question that? It was warm, so I just held my coat. While at the bus stop, these two slightly drunk (I think) black guys came out of the alley in front of me and kinda gave me an odd look as I said hi to them in a friendly manner. They ignored this and went around the corner onto the main street a few yards away. There was a fenced in parking lot beside where I was standing and they went around it onto the main street then, all of a sudden, this huge rock, at least the size of a baseball, came flying past me from their direction!! So much for this being the friendliest city!! I've never found it to be so!!
There WAS one other incident back in Feb. `84, that had to do with the black spandex unitard I was wearing. I was coming from the mall a mile from here walking home to get ready to go to work at 11:00 at night. I was showing my new unitard to my friends at the record store. I got as far the hospital between the mall and my town when this car came OFF the road about 60 miles an hour, hit me ON PURPOSE, fractured my leg and took a HUGE chunk of skin from my elbow, and kept going!! I couldn't walk and I could hardly stand up!! The ER was at least 200 feet behind me and up a tall grassy hill. I hobbled out into the slightly busy street to try to flag someone down for help, but, instead of stopping to help, they slowed down and drove AROUND me!!!! After 10 minutes of trying to get help, I ended up hopping to the ER on my own up that tall slippery wet grassy hill!!!! Of course, the police apparently never bothered to look for the guy because I never heard anything about it since then!! It only just now struck me that that incident could possibly be lumped in with the others because, each time, I was wearing something that mostly girls wore.
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#6

Wow, that sucks. Both of you. Sad

I've never been physically assaulted, thankfully! yet!

Though I do constantly worry about it being a possibility... Toledo isn't even remotely reputed for friendliness and the anti-gay anti-trans sentiments run very deep here.

Only ever had emotional/verbal abuse thrown my way so far though.

Oh, and Pittsburgh, Missed Miss? I was unaware they had ANY kind of reputation for being remotely friendly towards anything outside heteronorms.
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#7

Yes, Shittsburgh. I had no idea they were this unfriendly here until I spent the summer working at Cedar Point in `78 and nearly EVERYONE there in that town was SO nice a friendly!! I got so used to it that I became even more friendly than I've always been, then, once I got back home, I continued acting like that without even realizing I was doing it. So, I'm two blocks from my house, and my family's been in this house since `36, and I went past someone on the street and happily said, "hello", to them and they ignored the living shit out of me and looked at me like I just said I wanted to rape their dog!! And, just the fact that a few years later I had a number of people go AROUND me when I needed help getting to the hospital proves that we are FAR from being the friendliest city!! That and the fact that I STILL attempt to say hi to strangers I pass and they still either ignore me or give me that look!! And, NO, I'm not dressed-up (girly) at ALL.
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#8

(26-08-2013, 07:22 PM)Jessica.jj Wrote:  well I have just started my NBE journey as of Friday afternoon
came home to a few new packages at my doorstep (woohoo)
anyways one package was my Brava domes then another with
a sportbox inside and finally my order from nature day
I quickly opened all three to inspect for damages, all seamed to be OK

so my NBE program for the last year has been up and down and really
not consistent with how hetict work has been
so for the past few yers I have been very strick with taking my antiandrogens every morning
and night. I had bought a nb with manual pump quite some time ago which I tried to set aside two hours every night to sit down and noogle, but very rarely did what I ment to do. since I received my brava Friday I have been averaging 12 hours a night and after removing the domes I apply the nature day cream to each breast and massage untill the cream begins to absorb and repeat again with a little more cream

about me:

age 37
underbust: 34.5"
bust: 39"
overbust: 40"
waist: 31"
hips: 41"
height: 6'2"

my program:
mornings: 7 am
2 100mg spironolactone pills
3 droppers ND serum with 8oz water
remove Brava domes
massage with ND cream 5-10 minutes

afternoon: 6 pm
massage with ND cream 5-10min
3 ND capsules

evenings: 8pm
2 100mg spironolactone pills
apply Brava domes with sportbox

any thoughts or suggestions
I would greatly appreciate any appreciated

Hi Jessica,
How is the ND products working for you? I have been taking the liquid extract for about 10 days now. That is the most horrible tasting stuff ever lol. But I am willing to give it a try.
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