[ihatepd]

Dear nbe -eers,

I would like to share my problem maybe I can get some ideas form this community.

I have a problem because I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years. we love each other. but the problem is that our relationship became boring. we barely make each other laugh. personally, im no longer 'excited' to read his messages, although not always , -boredom stroke- .

we dont know what we re going to talk about except always for the same routine things.

also i FEEL that we re no longer fit perfect together. we've gone through several negative stuff, fights etc. Im ahppy when hes around because I love him and i MISS him, however DEEP INSIDE IM UTTERLY SAD. I FEEL DESPERATE. cant help the problem. I try countless of times to end the relationship but i would always fall for his crying etc because i still love him.

there are some issues i DISSCUSSED WITH HIM but he never changes. for example he never worked.
he used to be very demanding where I had to obey whatever he likes. but after motnhs and even more than a year, and with the help of his parents, i came to say no most of the times where i didnt like what he wanted. for example i wasnt allowed to talk to guys not even replying when they spoke to me, but now the scenario changed and I can speak when people talk to me.

I feel bored of the relationship and of MYSELF. i feel like i HATE myself.

dont take me that i dont love him I DO and done several things to show him I love him.

but he never changes, and he actually says hes bored of listenign to me saying the same things to him that he doesnt do. He got the license he doesnt drive. other guys work, buy a car and drive. his car is reasdy by his parents.

I liek to go clubbing but not clubs that are very bitchy and woud spoil us, I love to dance, or go out for a drink. HE WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO OUT LIKE THESE PLACES.

also hes so JEALOUSSS. fricken too much. he used to decide for me what to buy and whta not. I stopped that but I still have to buy decent clothes. if everybodys showing off cleavge. I cannot show off my 32Ds in summer. Im not saying i wont to wear bitchy clothes or undecent but almost all girls have those tops that show off some of their bodies and not everything under clothes.

he also doesnt go to the beaches where they ar enice and attract a lot fo tourists because of the sandy beach.... he told me that he doesnt want anyone to look at me or that guys would come and talk to me.

his parents wanted to do a pool in their house, he rejects me to swim in it as he doesnt want his neighbours to see me in bikinis.

there are so MANY MANY MANY shitty things running on that i try to minimise but im utterly sad. Ive lost friends.

Also since i started dating him i dont know what happened to my character I BECAME BORING, AND FUNLESS. I SONT KNOW HOW TO JOKE WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE.

I cannot add my workmates to my facebook.. so many restrictions.

The problem is that his over obssesed jealous makes me feel jealous and act sometimes paranoid-ish like him

Everyday [break up' passes thru my mind but I dont imagine myself without him because I love him even just writing this i feel crying.

please dont say that he brainwashed me that i love him like i was told in other forums. its not true.

any ideas people how I can cutt off the boredom and fix these probs?

Thanks all XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[wishinandhopin]

Oh dear. You are in an abusive relationship. Sorry that you don't want to hear that. You will be so much happier after you move on. He is insecure and immature. You've got to break it off and stop all communication so you both can move on.

I'm sorry. That is my best "mom" advice. It is what I would tell any of my girlfriends or daughters.

[ihatepd]

Code:

Also last time he hurted me liek hell saying that i never make him smile or laugh...

[ihatepd]

Oh dear. You are in an abusive relationship. Sorry that you don't want to hear that. You will be so much happier after you move on. He is insecure and immature. You've got to break it off and stop all communication so you both can move on.

I'm sorry. That is my best "mom" advice. It is what I would tell any of my girlfriends or daughters.

Thanks for your reply. I knwo that i dont want to hear that but i KNOW that im in that kind of relatiosnhip.

honestly, in the ''past'' maybe from the 6th monnth till the first year / yr n half of our relationship he used to 'beat me' klind off but i made him stop that bcus it hurted like hell and i always told him that if he tries to punch or hit again i would leave him and thank god he stopped.

i really appreciate his parents being on my side of reason. i speak A LOT to his mother openly , i know she wont tell him what i say. she gives me good advices and tells me that she would leave him because she wouldnt accept to live like ''muslims'' and because she had passed ther same story with another partner. she tells me she wouldnt live like i do with restrictions.

also his dad also tells me that hes afraid he would hurt me in the future when we would live together.

i really dont know.i cannot understand why my love to him hasnt died -_-

[AquaA]

I am Muslim and what he does in no way represents Islam. It's forbid in our religion to beat a woman. You need to leave him. Don't "talk" about it with him, there's nothing to talk about. It all comes down to your happiness and as you said you are utterly unhappy.

Love isn't everything sweety, if he's not making you happy then it's not the good type of love. You need to end things for both of you. So that he realizes why things went wrong and what's wrong with his behavior and hopefully fix it but that is not your problem!
You need to worry about your problems and make yourself happy. Please leave him for your own good, stop saying you can't imagine your life without him because there's no such things. People can always move on. Let go sweety, it's for the best.

[ihatepd]

I am Muslim and what he does in no way represents Islam. It's forbid in our religion to beat a woman. You need to leave him. Don't "talk" about it with him, there's nothing to talk about. It all comes down to your happiness and as you said you are utterly unhappy.

Love isn't everything sweety, if he's not making you happy then it's not the good type of love. You need to end things for both of you. So that he realizes why things went wrong and what's wrong with his behavior and hopefully fix it but that is not your problem!
You need to worry about your problems and make yourself happy. Please leave him for your own good, stop saying you can't imagine your life without him because there's no such things. People can always move on. Let go sweety, it's for the best.

thx aqua for your reply :] xx

[ i didnt want to be offensive regarding the musim mode]

i have gim COUNTLESS chances ... actually everyday is a chance for him as i always give him time ot change and he never does. and he would always go around saying ' if u love me u would never leave me bcus i dont work' thats the biggest issue i have to deal with. i go to school and work. he does nothing except home.

his parents tell him to mov eand do something and then not cry when your gf finally goes on with her life and leaves u.

but its so difficult to leave him. if there was no love that would have been se easier for me.

im waiting for the day when im FULL of courage to:

go to his house, REMOVE EVEYRTHING in his room that reminds him of me, delete all of my msgs in his cellphone and all d photos. and take everyhting with me so it would be easier for him to ''forget me' he will never forget me i think

and that would be easy for both of us if i remove everyhting of each others. but its soooooo difficult.

my parents dont co operate with me. when i ''leave him'' they would still open the door when he press the bell tahts no easy for him whenever we fight i would always arrive late for work as he wouldnt let me go unless i tell him that i will stay with him forever.

i dont know >< sry for d long msg xxx

[prettylily]

I agree that this sounds like an abusive relationship. And it sounds like you would really rather not be part of it!

I think the most worrying part here is that your parents are taking his side and will give him access to you. Do you live at home? If so, you need to talk to your parents and explain to them that they mustn't let him in.

Don't worry about making him forget you. That is 100% his problem as is his lack of employment. If he doesn't have anything of yours that is very important, just leave it, cut contact and move on.

[noodlez]

Oh dear. You are in an abusive relationship. Sorry that you don't want to hear that. You will be so much happier after you move on. He is insecure and immature. You've got to break it off and stop all communication so you both can move on.

I'm sorry. That is my best "mom" advice. It is what I would tell any of my girlfriends or daughters.

I was in such a similar situation as you. For SIX YEARS.
I spent 14-20 with a guy like that! What did I walk away with? Post traumatic stress disorder.
It took a shrink to tell me he was emotionally abusive for it to finally sink in
Now , in a new relationship... I find myself acting like he did! Insanely over protective and jealous.
Honey no amount of love for this guy is going to change him.
You need to love yourself. please learn from my experience. Walk away. Cut him off. No contact.
Stay with family and take what you can/need.

This is not safe for you.

Pm me if you want to hear my in depth background on why this concerns me so much.

[noodlez]

I am Muslim and what he does in no way represents Islam. It's forbid in our religion to beat a woman. You need to leave him. Don't "talk" about it with him, there's nothing to talk about. It all comes down to your happiness and as you said you are utterly unhappy.

Love isn't everything sweety, if he's not making you happy then it's not the good type of love. You need to end things for both of you. So that he realizes why things went wrong and what's wrong with his behavior and hopefully fix it but that is not your problem!
You need to worry about your problems and make yourself happy. Please leave him for your own good, stop saying you can't imagine your life without him because there's no such things. People can always move on. Let go sweety, it's for the best.

thx aqua for your reply :] xx

[ i didnt want to be offensive regarding the musim mode]

i have gim COUNTLESS chances ... actually everyday is a chance for him as i always give him time ot change and he never does. and he would always go around saying ' if u love me u would never leave me bcus i dont work' thats the biggest issue i have to deal with. i go to school and work. he does nothing except home.

his parents tell him to mov eand do something and then not cry when your gf finally goes on with her life and leaves u.

but its so difficult to leave him. if there was no love that would have been se easier for me.

im waiting for the day when im FULL of courage to:

go to his house, REMOVE EVEYRTHING in his room that reminds him of me, delete all of my msgs in his cellphone and all d photos. and take everyhting with me so it would be easier for him to ''forget me' he will never forget me i think

and that would be easy for both of us if i remove everyhting of each others. but its soooooo difficult.

my parents dont co operate with me. when i ''leave him'' they would still open the door when he press the bell tahts no easy for him whenever we fight i would always arrive late for work as he wouldnt let me go unless i tell him that i will stay with him forever.

i dont know >< sry for d long msg xxx

He is manipulating you. He sounds like he has borderline personality disorder if not he is seriously ill.
Sick with something that's formed to protect his ego so there so no way you can make him better. he needs to do that on his own and sadly after 2.5 years of you tolerating it, it's not gonna be with you. Certainly not for you. it has to be in his own time and for him and clearly he doesn't see anything wrong with hisbbehavuour

[Missed Miss]

This doesn't SOUND like an abusive relationship, it IS an abusive relationship!!
Listen to what YOU'RE saying!! You gave him COUNTLESS chances!! Okay, enough said!! He's proven to you COUNTLESS times that he's NOT going to change!! Abusive people RARELY EVER change and no WHAT you do, chances are you'll NEVER "fix" him!! Only HE can fix himself, but I'm sure it'll take a LOT of psychological help!!!! I SERIOUSLY doubt you can give him that and, if you stay with him much longer, it'll be YOU that needs lots of psychological help!!!!
My best friend, Kelly, was in an abusive relationship ever since about 2 years before I met her, but, she had a VERY low self-esteem and just figured that if she left him for another guy, the new guy would be even worse, so she just might as well stay with this loser!! She eventually married him after he forced her to leave ALL of her friends and ONLY associate with HIS friends, which she had next to NOTHING in common with because they were HIS age, about 25 years older than her!! They had two kids together, most likely it was the old, "If-I-Have-His-Kids-Things-Will-Get-Better" ploy, but it didn't!! In fact, he's trying to sue her for paternity of their daughter because he refuses to believe he's the father!! And he IS!! She FINALLY wised up and divorced his sorry, worthless ass a few months ago!! She DID find a new boyfriend and he's WAY, WAY nicer than her ex!!!!
Anyway, he tells you not to leave him just because he has no job. 1: Tell him to GET a job!!!! And B: leave him because he's an abusive asshole!!!! YOU are unhappy in this relationship!! HE is unhappy in this relationship (I haven't a CLUE why!!!! He GETS HIS way!!!! Do you??), so, there really IS NO relationship!!!! A LOVE relationship exists because both parties have undying LOVE and RESPECT each other!! You hardly have any of either!! What's the bloody point?? You're BEATING A DEAD HORSE!! You're STUCK IN A WARPED GROOVE!! Time to change the record and get on with your life!! Drop him like a hot brick and find a NICE guy for a change and you'll SEE how happy you can be!! The reason he loves you is because you're compliant and if he has to find a new girl, he'll have to spend a lot of time training her!! He's ALREADY got YOU trained!! Make it easy on yourself, instead of TELLING him to his face that you're leaving, just LEAVE and, if you MUST, leave him a note, better yet, mail it to him from where you are and leave no return address.
Ask yourself this: you SAY you love him, but, are you IN love with him?? There IS a VAST difference!!!!
Good luck!! You'll need it!!