[gasolinerainbow]

Firstly I'd like to say thank you for all your supportive comments, and secondly I'd like to say sorry this reply has taken so long!

The reason for this is... I've been in Albania. Long story short, after my fella and I seemed to be breaking up, I went to the pub, met some guys that do relief work, charity work etc. abroad, and one of them said they were going to Albania to work on gender inequality. I immediately asked if I could go and he said yes they have a space so two days later I was on a plane wondering what on earth possessed me.

A lot of, uh, significant things happened during my trip. Mainly, I met an Italian guy who I rather liked. Ended up getting very drunk on the local spirits and the rest, as they say, is history. It's probably important to mention that the Italian guy turned out to be not very nice at all serious misjudgement of character.

When I arrived back in England my boyfriend seemed to think we were very much together and he was intent on 'fixing our relationship'. I decided it was worth giving one more go and my experience in Albania, apart from leaving me feeling like a cheap idiot, showed me how much worse people can be than my fella...

And things have worked out. Pretty smoothly until I borrowed his computer yesterday and discovered all his porn when I tried to save a word document. He has an unhealthy obsession with anal sex and what's rather more concerning, rape. I sufficiently embarrassed him about this.

I'm moving to Ireland in a few months for work and he's staying here so I don't know what that means for relationship. I would like it to work. I'm sure about that now.

And where does NBE fit in to all this? Well... I didn't give my program a second's thought while I was away. Nor did I take my pill because I assumed I wouldn't need it. A week earlier than expected, AF graced me with her presence during my trip (or so I thought) and I started taking my pill again from the last day, assuming immediate protection. When I got home my fella and I had very awkward 'sex because isn't that what couples do?' and I thought nothing of it.

I'm not the kind of person that ever throws up but after a week of it I'm feeling a tad suspicious. I'm approximately a week late if my last period was anything to go on... And my boobs are looking fuller than ever without any supplements and minimal use of creams/massage.

I have the funniest feeling I may be pregnant. The truly awful thing is that if my last AF wasn't actually a period I may have been pregnant for at least a month (would explain the boobs), and my child could potentially be weirdly Italian looking.

Actions have consequences and I don't have any self-pity but... OH MY GOD. One second I think my relationship has ended so I just make the most of not feeling insecure and worthless for once, then I'm making the biggest mistake of my life with an evil Italian guy, then my boyfriend and I finally come to a truce because we realise what it is we need from each other... And next I'll be explaining why my child's popped out tanned with black hair and brown eyes!

But boobs.

And apart from being incredibly nervous about the possibility of being pregnant, I've actually never felt better. Perhaps younger and less experienced than ever. But in a very positive place.