(21-06-2011, 06:00 PM)A-2-C Wrote: Don't through eggs at me but here's my advice.
DO NOT take them down yourself! Even if he won't leave you, he'll be absolutely pissed. You've only been dating for 7 months. He has to protect his masculine freedom and pride and you'll hurt it BIG time if you cross that boundary.
What I suggest you do, is stop nagging him about it - completely drop it, don't bring it up. I know it may be hard for you, but just ignore them. At the good occasion (when you're both relaxed) or if he asks you why you don't say anything about the posters anymore, just tell him in calm and loving way, that you respect his freedom and though these posters are VERY hard for you to deal with, you accept and respect his right to keep them on. Also, apologize for bugging him about them before and it was wrong for you to be this way. Important: be really sweet about it and say it sincerely - you have to believe it. His reaction most likely will be that he will not say much to it or will look like he doesn’t believe you.
Then just wait. You'd be surprised, but it is likely that he'll take them down soon after. And even if not, your relationship will improve.
His male psychology makes him keep those posters on not as much because he likes them, but to prove his independence and masculinity.
Again, don't through anything at me girls, but it took me a lot of emotions and tears to learn and accept this way of dealing with men. And most times it works much better than disagreements. You can get things you want out of men with ease if you know how to go about it and he'll be happy to give it to you if you let him keep his male pride.
You are absolutely right. My current boyfriend and I often get into arguments about things we disagree on and, later, he reveals to me that he feels threatened in his independence and that is why he so strongly stood his ground. Not because he actually really cares so much about the thing he is "holding on to," but more for the sake of respecting his own right to make his own decisions! So, for gasolinerainbow's man, he could simply be only keeping them up for that reason alone at this point. He may not really care about the posters all that much. If you show confidence (which he will find attractive) and mention it non-confrontationally, that is message enough. You don't need to tear them down for him to know that you don't like it! And all you will do is show him that you do not respect his independence and do not trust his decision making. Think about it: if the shoe were on the other foot, would you rather make a sacrifice for the one you love by FORCE and/or by "I am mad at you for this so you better do what I say" attitude? Or would you more rather make a sacrifice for the one you love because they let YOU make your own decision, without making it seem like a big deal? I know, for one, I do not like being made to feel like a child again. Why would he?
So, doing it by the method that A-2-C mentioned will weed the men who actually LOVE their posters (the scum bags you DON'T want) APART from those men who "just had them up there" and "could take them or leave them"... but also value their own independence. Shouldn't they? I see nothing wrong with this group of men. Using this method, the scum bags who love their posters will keep them up, but the latter group of guys who "could take them or leave them," will take them down in a given matter of time.
But, if you want to go with the other method of "my way or the highway" forcing him to take them down "or else", you will only group those men who LOVE their posters together with the guys who personally "could take them or leave them" but just value their independence, since both of these groups of men will respond the same way by keeping the posters up... and you weed these two groups of guys APART from men who respond to threats and anger. What kind of guy is that? A guy who responds to threats, which is usually someone who does not respect themselves and will DEFINITELY harbor feelings of resentment. To exaggerate my point a bit, the stereotypical hen-pecked man illustrates this. He loves his woman, but he resents her. I feel that way about my parents when they guilt-trip me into something or force me to do something, and I feel that way if my boyfriend ever does that to me as well, which is rare, thank God. It is normal, and we should plan for these normal reactions by being reasonable. I mean, everyone knows that healthy communication is what is needed to have a healthy relationship, and healthy communication does NOT include forcing or threatening.
