[loverstilly]

I feel like my boyfriend and I are drifting apart and I want to talk about it, know how he's feeling, but I'm too afraid to say anything. I just find it so awkward! (It's not because he's abusive or anything, he's a very very good man, and everyone is saying that he's a catch, it's really because of me. I don't like to talk about touchy stuff)

In fact, it has been the case with my previous relationships. I never really knew how to communicate. When things are rosy and going well, I love to just enjoy the time. When there are problems though, I really don't know how to approach it, or whether it is appropriate/useful to talk about it. I tend to just... leave it alone. This is driving my relationships to doom isn't it?

Any of you girls have the same problem? Do you girls have any tips? Thanks loads in advance!

[prettylily]

I hate talking about touchy feely stuff, too. If I think it's important, though, I just force myself to bring it up. I'll psych myself up for a few day and rehearse what I'm going to say.

[echapman]

I am the SAME way. When my husband and I first started dating I had previously been in a rough relationship where communication didn't exactly flow and I was not used to being with someone who actually wanted to talk about issues rather than ignoring them until they erupted in screaming matches.

I would shut down when he would want to discuss things, and I would bottle my feelings up rather than talking to him about it.

I finally got to the point where I asked myself did I love him? Yes. Would I be devastated if things ended? Yes. I realized it was MY relationship too, and it would only go the way I knew it could go if I helped it get there. I loved him, and he deserved me with my walls down... even if it meant feeling vulnerable and led to situations that made me uncomfortable. And at first it was uncomfortable! I would agonize over telling him how I felt about things that were upsetting me, (ex- we aren't having as much sex. Why? or You've seemed distant lately, are things okay with us?) I quickly realized that it became a lot easier over time, and the communication really did make us a lot closer!

My advice is take baby steps. I think I started out by texting him my feelings... he would usually call me and make me actually talk about it. It definitely took getting used to it but before I knew it I could bring things up face-to-face.

[loverstilly]

Thanks for the replies girls. Really helps to know that there are people in the same boat. Will text him now. Gosh, nervous!!

[bugle dodo]

I'm obviously not a typical male but this might help. I really appreciate it when my wife writes things down for me. She tends to say a lot ...process out load and say things she that aren't well thought out yet or completely accurate. When she writes it, I know at least a little more thought went into it and it carries a little more weight because of that. Also, it lets me ponder it before we talk in person - very important! Texting would be a good start but because texts are usually short and abreviated, I prefer a letter or email. However, if that's a comfortable step for you to take, go for it! I've been married for 23 years and some of our biggest growth spurts started with one of us going outside our comfort zone. The greater the vulnerability (in what you do and SAY), the deeper the intimacy can go. Best of luck to you Loverstilly.

Cute screen name by the way

[loverstilly]

I'm obviously not a typical male but this might help. I really appreciate it when my wife writes things down for me. She tends to say a lot ...process out load and say things she that aren't well thought out yet or completely accurate. When she writes it, I know at least a little more thought went into it and it carries a little more weight because of that. Also, it lets me ponder it before we talk in person - very important! Texting would be a good start but because texts are usually short and abreviated, I prefer a letter or email. However, if that's a comfortable step for you to take, go for it! I've been married for 23 years and some of our biggest growth spurts started with one of us going outside our comfort zone. The greater the vulnerability (in what you do and SAY), the deeper the intimacy can go. Best of luck to you Loverstilly.

Cute screen name by the way

Hey Kari, I just saw this! Thank you for your very helpful advice great support from everyone on this forum! Yeah I do think you're right, people do get closer the more you reveal, and the more you reveal the more vulnerable you get

Don't mind me asking, and I might sound a bit ignorant on this: so you're a married man of 23 years, but suddenly you want to grow boobs?? I'm completely open about it but I don't understand where you are coming from

[bugle dodo]

Don't mind me asking, and I might sound a bit ignorant on this: so you're a married man of 23 years, but suddenly you want to grow boobs?? I'm completely open about it but I don't understand where you are coming from

I don't mind you asking at all. I'll try to give you the short version though. I'd imagine it is hard to understand if you've never talked to someone like me. Honestly we're kinda hard to find - lots of shame keeps most of us in hiding. But the thing is I've always had this deep internal longing to be a female. There was nothing sudden about it, I've had this desire as far back as I can remember and it's far deeper than just breasts. pigtails, cute frilly dresses, slumber parties, girlfriends, boyfriends, being sought after, prom, being the bride, pregnancy, bring a mommy, being a wife, the love of a man, protection and shelter of a man, intimacy in relationships especially woman to women (men don't cry on each others shoulders and sometimes I need that). No, it didn't happen recently and to be honest, if I could be a woman WITHOUT a noticeable chest, I'd be very happy with that. Taking estrogens and other herbs really helps me be less consumed by these desires and helps me be the husband and daddy I promised 3 people I'd be. If it changes my body a little, all the better. Thanks for asking me about this Loverstilly and allowing me to explain. I'm afraid there is far too much ignorance about people like me who have little to no control over this inner turmoil. Believe me, if I could somehow shake it of and be happy in my current body, it would have been done a long time ago. Blessings... Kari

[loverstilly]

That's beautiful Kari! Your answers made me smile. I do believe everyone is wired differently and everyone has the right to chase their dreams and desires, no matter how unique they are. It's a shame that society has such a rigid perception of what being a man/woman should be, and people are supposed to conform to it or risk being ostracized.

I'm actually very happy to learn about people like you and the others I have several very close outrightly gay friends, and I support them 100%.

But whatever your desires are, please just be happy xx