[bunnyday]

So, I have two guy friends, both of whom aren't really friends anymore, for similar reasons.

T has been a 'special' type of friend (one that comes with benefits!) for nearly a year now. Sort of. I lost touch with him after Thanksgiving because he was being rather... pushy. If I didn't want to do something, he'd whine and whine. He never told me he had a girlfriend, which I would think is pretty important. But of course, never told me. And just recently he's been bugging me to say "I love you" after a few months of barely talking to me (other than spring break). wtf. He's also stated before that he dates girls far younger than he is because girls his age are "tricks, cheaters, hoes, sluts, etc." I'm a bit older than he is. when I'm at home on breaks, he'll text me like the world is ending, and insist on "hanging out." This means he'll send me a bunch of texts and call me numerous times asking me where I am on a certain day we've planned to hang out. One morning over spring break, he sent me 11 texts and called me 7 times within about 2 hours. One of them said "the reason you're not answering better be because you're driving over here." fuck that. I basically ignored him the rest of the day. (mature, I know, but I was helping my sister paint her room that day and had told him this.)

P, has also been that special type of friend, but he's a few years older. But get this: he already has a girlfriend, one who he complains about all the freaking time. His girlfriend won't give him sex, so he proceeds to basically cheat on her with me, and treat me horribly. I can't do anything right according to him. I can't squee over Harry Potter without him turning insulting and vulgar. I can't pick the right car, apparently, can't pick the right major, can't listen to the right music. All he listens to is classic rock. While it's not inherently bad, it's annoying to me because my parents also constantly play it at home. And then when I starting "monologuing" (what he evidently thinks it is) on IM, he will interrupt with sexual things. While we had a sexual sort of relationship, it gets very, very old when you're talking about something fairly mundane and constantly get interrupted with "but you'll get some awesome sex soon!" and "*penetrates*". Or when I'm freaking out because of my many anxiety issues. We haven't really done anything sexual, just talked about it, but we were planning on it... I'm not so enthusiastic anymore. I've been taken advantage of in the exact same way back in 10th grade, and I was forced into sexual things (though it wasn't full-blown rape). I told him about what happened, and asked him to please not do that. His reply was "oh, don't worry. You'll want it." This makes me worry about his girlfriend, who has a very similar past as I do. He constantly boasts that he doesn't force girls into anything, but given the treatment of his girlfriend I have to really wonder if he's really not forcing her in some way. At the same time, he'll claim to love her. I call bullshit on that one.

I don't know what to do about either. Should I just block off all contact and risk horrible gossip in my hometown? Should I somehow contact P's girlfriend and tell/ask her what's really going on? or should I just ditch both and ignore the girlfriend?

[lorajean101]

I'd like to assume you posted that as more of a venting technique than actually wanting advice. Why, being a girl, would you even CONSIDER screwing around with a man that you already KNOW has a girlfriend??!! Have some respect for her and for yourself. These guys both sound like jackasses and both treat you like dirt. Some girls, I hear, like to be treated this way due to lack of self worth. You seem smarter than that because you are apparently attempting to break the cycle by reaching out and sharing your story with the hopes someone can advise you to do the common sense thing that you obviously see, but cannot bring yourself to admit.
Ditch both of these guys and find someone decent. You say you risk the "gossip" in your small hometown? You don't think there would be gossip over some chick nailing 2 douche bag dudes - one that is a younger guy and the other involved with someone else?! I'd be gossiping about you and I'm not typically a gossip. If you are actually interested in one of these men, you need to put your foot down and tell them that unless they choose to treat you with respect then you are not willing to be a part of their lives... oh, and the guy with the girlfriend needs to choose you or her. If you try and "tattle" to his girlfriend, it makes you look like the ass, not him. Much more of the population almost expect guys to do stupid shit including being a liar and cheater. You, on the other hand, will be the one looked down upon, it sucks but that's the reality of life. I wish you the best in your situation.

[Taelia]

Why would she look like an ass if she tattled? Surely by doing that she preventing the other girl from getting hurt to?
End it with both of them. Yes I'm pretty harsh, but it's probably better for you that way. But then again, the first boy might really like you but has a dodgy way of showing it.

[Bibi]

What you should be wondering isn´t what goes on in these guys minds (or what happens with the girlfriends), but what goes on in yours!
Why would you want to be treated like that? Do you think this is the nearest possible thing you´ll ever get to being loved?
Because to be honest, this is the complete opposite, you´d feel much better if you weren´t "loved" in this way at all.

You know, until you decide you want the real thing - love, respect and a positive relationship with someone - you´ll continue attracting these idiots, because guys can detect a girl who´ll put up with anything from miles away. Meanwhile, the nice ones stay away because they are attracted to girls who love themselves (or who pretend to do so, at least).
My advice would be to stop all contact with both these guys, just ignore them like you would ignore an ant or some other invisible bug. If they become agressive, tell them you got engaged or whatever if necessary. Then, concentrate on your self worth, just act like a woman you respect would, go through the motions until it feels natural. Be more choosy when a guy approaches you, make him prove he´s worth your time, that way he´ll be much likely to treat you with respect and you´ll feel better about yourself too. As an experiment, hold off from going to bed with someone until he is officially your boyfriend (the sex will be much better, believe me!).
And don´t contact any girlfriend, that´s just asking for trouble and it isn´t a very dignified thing to do.