26-07-2014, 14:25
(This post was last modified: 26-07-2014, 14:25 by bugle dodo.)
Hey Beckums,
Hope you don't mind a bio male chiming in on your thread. I figure I have the anatomy of one gender and the mind of another so maybe I have a unique perspective for ya. First, it's important to note that its really impossible to give an accurate opinion on your relationship from the tidbit you've posted here. However, the essence of what you're saying is your sex life is unsatisfying. Well, having been your age once and since married for 21 years, I can tell you that a good, fulfilling relationship needs a lot more than a good sex life AND we've had plenty of sexual "problems" during that time. I want this and she wants that etc. I can tell you that our sexual experience has constantly changed in new and unexpected ways throughout our marriage (I never did oral for her early one either). There were times each of us were not satisfying the other and there were also times we didn't think it could get any better. It's seasonal and to expect, "everything you imagine sex to be", all at once is not realistic. BUT the most important thing I can tell you is that sex isn't really about sex. It's not about YOUR physical satisfaction or even his. The best sex we've ever had comes after emotional intimacy and it has everything to do with LOVING each other not "satisfying" each other... and very little to do with lust BTW. When two people know the most secret, most intimate feelings of the other person and when you can't imagine life without each other, you'll experience a kind of sex that's unimaginable to you now (I love GIVING her oral now because of all the (nonsexual) love she gives me). ...You'll never find it with a boyfriend or girlfriend - your relationship isn't mature enough. You're wired to want a deep emotional connection (we all are) which will inevitably lead to great sex, but it doesn't happen at the stage your relationship is in. Sure, you can experience some really physically satisfying sex (like an amazing black and white photo) early on in a relationship but you've got it all backwards. Awesome sex, TRULY awesome sex is the product of a great relationship. If you don't have a great relationship you'll never be satisfied. And here's the part that you REALLY need to know. YOU hold the keys to a great relationship. He's quite content with just sex and as long as he's getting what HE wants, there's no reason for him to work at the relationship. YOU have to respect yourself enough to say, "no way baby, not until I get a commitment, not until we have some emotional intimacy". YOU have to help him learn to understand his emotions and share them with you (building a relationship). When you two start connecting with each other emotionally, relationally, then, and ONLY then, will the physical aspects of your relationship begin to be filled with COLOR!
Hope you don't mind a bio male chiming in on your thread. I figure I have the anatomy of one gender and the mind of another so maybe I have a unique perspective for ya. First, it's important to note that its really impossible to give an accurate opinion on your relationship from the tidbit you've posted here. However, the essence of what you're saying is your sex life is unsatisfying. Well, having been your age once and since married for 21 years, I can tell you that a good, fulfilling relationship needs a lot more than a good sex life AND we've had plenty of sexual "problems" during that time. I want this and she wants that etc. I can tell you that our sexual experience has constantly changed in new and unexpected ways throughout our marriage (I never did oral for her early one either). There were times each of us were not satisfying the other and there were also times we didn't think it could get any better. It's seasonal and to expect, "everything you imagine sex to be", all at once is not realistic. BUT the most important thing I can tell you is that sex isn't really about sex. It's not about YOUR physical satisfaction or even his. The best sex we've ever had comes after emotional intimacy and it has everything to do with LOVING each other not "satisfying" each other... and very little to do with lust BTW. When two people know the most secret, most intimate feelings of the other person and when you can't imagine life without each other, you'll experience a kind of sex that's unimaginable to you now (I love GIVING her oral now because of all the (nonsexual) love she gives me). ...You'll never find it with a boyfriend or girlfriend - your relationship isn't mature enough. You're wired to want a deep emotional connection (we all are) which will inevitably lead to great sex, but it doesn't happen at the stage your relationship is in. Sure, you can experience some really physically satisfying sex (like an amazing black and white photo) early on in a relationship but you've got it all backwards. Awesome sex, TRULY awesome sex is the product of a great relationship. If you don't have a great relationship you'll never be satisfied. And here's the part that you REALLY need to know. YOU hold the keys to a great relationship. He's quite content with just sex and as long as he's getting what HE wants, there's no reason for him to work at the relationship. YOU have to respect yourself enough to say, "no way baby, not until I get a commitment, not until we have some emotional intimacy". YOU have to help him learn to understand his emotions and share them with you (building a relationship). When you two start connecting with each other emotionally, relationally, then, and ONLY then, will the physical aspects of your relationship begin to be filled with COLOR!