(19-01-2011, 00:55)periwinkle12 Wrote: I think you should change your password to avoid future arguments between you and your mother.Thanks everyone for the responses. I've been thinking about your response periwinkle and I agree. Even though I think it's wrong that my mom violated my privacy, I was really angry at her for forcing me to cutoff my family (by removing my cousin I'm sending the message that I'm against my dad's entire family). I have fun with my dad's family and they are nice enough to me, plus I'm not brave enough to take such a stance against them. Deep down though, I think I should let them know that their behavior to my mother is not acceptable. If they disrespect my mother, they disrespect me.
But I think that if someone disrespects your mom she is also disrespecting you. I would not and do not talk to some of my cousins for this same reason so just try to put yourself in her shoes (not saying the defriending was correct) but if you continue to talk to them it is kind of a slap to her face because then she will think you think it's okay for them to disrespect her and your cousins may continue to do disrespectful things to her thinking they will still maintain communication with you with no consequences of being rude to an adult. Just my two cents.
Here's some back story and what actually happened if anyone is interested. I just had to let this out...
My mother is Albanian and Bosnian Muslim while my dad's family is Serbian. I don't know if you know much about Balkan history but people of these nationalities hate each other. My mom grew up in Serbia and all of her friends were Serbian so she never grew up to be anti-Serbian. My father's side however is very nationalist and have always treated my mother differently because of her nationality. They have never treated her with respect and have often been quite cruel to her. My father's mother was the worst. She would badmouth my mother to my father and he would as a result beat her. My grandmother knew this and she kept doing this because she didn't want an Albanian/muslim daughter in law. My father even threw a mug at my mother's face when she was pregnant with my younger brother. My grandmother was really cruel to my mother and my father almost always took my grandmother's side. Eventually, my grandmother stopped living with us and my father blamed my mother for driving her away, even though my mother tried her best for the sake of her marriage to get along with my grandmother.
Several years after my grandmother left, my cousin came to the U.S. from Serbia to stay a few weeks. She also had family from her mother's side in Ohio where she stayed part of the time. I was 11, my older brother was 13 and my younger brother was 6. I honestly have no idea what went wrong. My cousin and my mom seemed to get along well for the first few days. I remember they would talk and wash dishes together almost every night and discuss horoscopes. I never noticed any hostilities between them. My mother took my cousin, my brothers and me to the pool and later to the theatre. I was so happy to have a sister figure in the house. Then one day in the late afternoon my older brother and I were in the hallway joining the living room facing away from the kitchen where my cousin was. My mom was doing some work in the kitchen and my cousin was on the computer with my little brother. I remember hearing my mom tell my cousin that my younger brother wasn't supposed to watching such things. I assume she was refering to what they were seeing on the computer. She said it calmly. I guess my cousin didn't oblige and my mother repeated her request a little more sternly a minute later. Right then my dad walked through the door. As soon as he entered the living room, my cousin started sobbing out of nowhere. My father immediately started beating my mother and then proceeded to pour dirty dish water on my mom's head. My cousin was literally 6 ft away while my dad did this. My father got in a car and drove my cousin 9 hours to Ohio to her mother's relatives. He stayed there for 3 days, didn't call us and when he came back he ignored us for a week.
I asked my mom what went wrong and she believed that my grandmother had instructed my cousin to do this knowing what kind of reaction it would bring out in my father. I didn't really know what to believe until I found out 2 years later that my cousin had told our entire extended family that she started crying after my mom screamed at her. That was a complete lie. The funny thing is that my uncle told my mother how traumatizing my cousin's stay had been for her (bs, I slept in the same room as my cousin and I was with her 90% of the time) and how worried he was about the experience affecting her pshycologically yet no one was worried about how my father treated my mother or the fact that we lived with an abusive father who obviously valued his old family over his children. I mean she was 17 and I was like 11 and my brothers were young as well.