27-04-2011, 17:50
Oh what a terrible mess. So sorry you´re going through this, Lorajean (and also Bee´s mum)!
My thoughts on the situation are that perhaps your guy is acting out his resentment because of you having a new relationship with someone else when he wasn´t ready to break up. It must have crushed his ego that you had a daughter with that other man, even though you broke up with him later on. There must be a lot of anger and jealousy he hasn´t realised he had, so that´s why he´s torturing you with this on and off thing and the younger girlfriend. I know it´s not logical or fair to you, but then when are relationships logical, right? They´re based on emotions and emotions have their own logic - which includes revenge, love/hate, etc.
So I think the best thing for you to do is to take some distance from this downward spiral. Maybe he´ll deal with his emotions, maybe not, but you can´t coerce someone to be more reasonable about what´s going on inside him. He clearly still has some positive things towards you but this agressive behavior is clouding it all. And you can´t sit and wait for him to harm you!
And something else. Don´t confuse yourself with fantasies about the soulmate. As the very wise mother of my best friend once told me, there is no such thing as prince charming or a soulmate. All people are whole for themselves, and romantic relationships are just the cherry on the cake, they aren´t something you need to be happy. Try to be happy for yourself, treat yourself like the most valuable person you know (aside from your kids), spend time focusing on your family.
Really, you don´t need someone to play with your emotions! Only when you´ve gotten to know yourself better, really learned to appreciate your own company, you´ll attract a positive relationship. And then you can say "oh you´re my prince charming" but of course you´ll know it´s just something nice people say.
My thoughts on the situation are that perhaps your guy is acting out his resentment because of you having a new relationship with someone else when he wasn´t ready to break up. It must have crushed his ego that you had a daughter with that other man, even though you broke up with him later on. There must be a lot of anger and jealousy he hasn´t realised he had, so that´s why he´s torturing you with this on and off thing and the younger girlfriend. I know it´s not logical or fair to you, but then when are relationships logical, right? They´re based on emotions and emotions have their own logic - which includes revenge, love/hate, etc.
So I think the best thing for you to do is to take some distance from this downward spiral. Maybe he´ll deal with his emotions, maybe not, but you can´t coerce someone to be more reasonable about what´s going on inside him. He clearly still has some positive things towards you but this agressive behavior is clouding it all. And you can´t sit and wait for him to harm you!
And something else. Don´t confuse yourself with fantasies about the soulmate. As the very wise mother of my best friend once told me, there is no such thing as prince charming or a soulmate. All people are whole for themselves, and romantic relationships are just the cherry on the cake, they aren´t something you need to be happy. Try to be happy for yourself, treat yourself like the most valuable person you know (aside from your kids), spend time focusing on your family.
Really, you don´t need someone to play with your emotions! Only when you´ve gotten to know yourself better, really learned to appreciate your own company, you´ll attract a positive relationship. And then you can say "oh you´re my prince charming" but of course you´ll know it´s just something nice people say.