06-10-2011, 02:42
Oooh, I´m so sorry you went through all this, Run.Rabbit! I can imagine how painful it must´ve been, not to mention if there were friends around.
I agree that a guy like that isn´t worthy of your time, I mean, why is he even your boyfriend if he can´t keep away from a lapdance when you´re there? Guys probably fantasize all day about other women, no problem with that, but if he´s expecting you to be his girlfriend, there should be some kind of reciprocity (is that the word?). It´s just a matter of respect. You shouldn´t have to worry that he isn´t able to fulfil his fantasies because of you, you should feel like you´re the best thing that ever happened to him!
So what I´m thinking is that there must be a reason why he still has a hold over you after treating you so poorly. I think there is a part of you that is so mad that you never want to see him again, but then another part feels like you can´t break up with him because it would be like admitting to a failure. Sometimes we hold on to bad relationships precisely because they are bad, it´s like we need to correct them to feel good about ourselves again.
But of course, in this situation he is the one who needs to make those corrections. So my advise would be: let him make all the efforts. Don´t push your feelings of hurt and humiliation aside. If you feel like you don´t want to talk to him, don´t do it. Giving a lot of explanations will make you feel worse, so just tell him you need to be alone for a while or whatever. If he really cares about you, he will do everything he can to win you back. Believe me, he´ll freak out only if he sees that you´re taking some distance from him, not if you force yourself to believe all his promises. Then, just proceed slowly. Don´t get involved with him right away, remember all the time that he has to prove himself to you. And that people only treat you as poorly as you let them!
I think some guys, especially when they´re young, will do these kind of things to test you. Something like Lets see how much this girl will put up with. Some kind of power game, you know? Not because they´re mean, but because that´s how they behave among each other. I read somewhere that for men, being respected is more important than being loved, so they´re constantly measuring themselves to each other. So women should keep that in mind in their relationships with men, and not assume that "love" means the same to them.
I wish you the best of luck and take care of yourself!
I agree that a guy like that isn´t worthy of your time, I mean, why is he even your boyfriend if he can´t keep away from a lapdance when you´re there? Guys probably fantasize all day about other women, no problem with that, but if he´s expecting you to be his girlfriend, there should be some kind of reciprocity (is that the word?). It´s just a matter of respect. You shouldn´t have to worry that he isn´t able to fulfil his fantasies because of you, you should feel like you´re the best thing that ever happened to him!
So what I´m thinking is that there must be a reason why he still has a hold over you after treating you so poorly. I think there is a part of you that is so mad that you never want to see him again, but then another part feels like you can´t break up with him because it would be like admitting to a failure. Sometimes we hold on to bad relationships precisely because they are bad, it´s like we need to correct them to feel good about ourselves again.
But of course, in this situation he is the one who needs to make those corrections. So my advise would be: let him make all the efforts. Don´t push your feelings of hurt and humiliation aside. If you feel like you don´t want to talk to him, don´t do it. Giving a lot of explanations will make you feel worse, so just tell him you need to be alone for a while or whatever. If he really cares about you, he will do everything he can to win you back. Believe me, he´ll freak out only if he sees that you´re taking some distance from him, not if you force yourself to believe all his promises. Then, just proceed slowly. Don´t get involved with him right away, remember all the time that he has to prove himself to you. And that people only treat you as poorly as you let them!
I think some guys, especially when they´re young, will do these kind of things to test you. Something like Lets see how much this girl will put up with. Some kind of power game, you know? Not because they´re mean, but because that´s how they behave among each other. I read somewhere that for men, being respected is more important than being loved, so they´re constantly measuring themselves to each other. So women should keep that in mind in their relationships with men, and not assume that "love" means the same to them.
I wish you the best of luck and take care of yourself!