20-10-2012, 15:07
I can't help but say I'm so sorry for the hell you're going through. I've dealt with similar on a very personal level although it was merely false accusations by people who wanted to get the spotlight off them and their true infidelity.
Unfortunately that's not the case for you and your husband. AbiDrew is right, counseling is the best option to start and while couples counseling is needed together I think having personal counseling for both of you would be beneficial to help work out where these issues sprout from and how to personally help your own issues.
On the other hand, JTX also has a point of the strikes to an extent. Yet this is very subjective to measure. You also need to try to examine your relationship and maybe talk to some friends or family and try to see if there's a concenus on if he has other flaws that are fatal that you may not see. Because while we girls (and guys) on the forum are great for a third person point of view, those that have been there through the years with you and the husband can also offer insight towards things you may not observe so closely.
Another thing you didn't mention is if you two have children together. Staying together for the sake of the kids isn't right but they can be a reason to try to work things out and rebuild. Also, as JTX said, a broken home is a horrible thing to let the kids be a product of. The divorce rate is so high these days and it's rough on kids, I've seen so many go through it while being fortunate enough to not have to.
In many ways love can overcome if you're both willing to work together to rebuild the remnants of your marriage.
Just take some time for you as previously suggested and breathe, relax and forget for a while. Have a girls day where it's about everything but relationships and such, go to the spa, lunch and then maybe bar hopping so long as you've got such good friends who won't let you make a fool out of yourself.
Just remember, this too shall pass, the result may be lasting but the initial irate emotions will. Stay rational and smile through the pain like nothing can bother you. Get those good endorphins going, it helps even if the world is crumbling around you.
Unfortunately that's not the case for you and your husband. AbiDrew is right, counseling is the best option to start and while couples counseling is needed together I think having personal counseling for both of you would be beneficial to help work out where these issues sprout from and how to personally help your own issues.
On the other hand, JTX also has a point of the strikes to an extent. Yet this is very subjective to measure. You also need to try to examine your relationship and maybe talk to some friends or family and try to see if there's a concenus on if he has other flaws that are fatal that you may not see. Because while we girls (and guys) on the forum are great for a third person point of view, those that have been there through the years with you and the husband can also offer insight towards things you may not observe so closely.
Another thing you didn't mention is if you two have children together. Staying together for the sake of the kids isn't right but they can be a reason to try to work things out and rebuild. Also, as JTX said, a broken home is a horrible thing to let the kids be a product of. The divorce rate is so high these days and it's rough on kids, I've seen so many go through it while being fortunate enough to not have to.
In many ways love can overcome if you're both willing to work together to rebuild the remnants of your marriage.
Just take some time for you as previously suggested and breathe, relax and forget for a while. Have a girls day where it's about everything but relationships and such, go to the spa, lunch and then maybe bar hopping so long as you've got such good friends who won't let you make a fool out of yourself.
Just remember, this too shall pass, the result may be lasting but the initial irate emotions will. Stay rational and smile through the pain like nothing can bother you. Get those good endorphins going, it helps even if the world is crumbling around you.