Quote:How can a human understand God if a human is not able to even understand another human?
That's a really beautiful thing to say, I think. It's very poetic.
I just want to tell you a couple of things. First of all, don't downplay what you went through in your past. Yes, other people may have suffered more, but that doesn't mean you are exaggereating. You feel the way you feel, its as simple as that. You have every right to feel the way you do. If you feel depressed, or happy or gay or female, that how you feel and you don't have to apologize for that!
Also, you're not a pervert. I personally don't believe that there is such a thing as a "pervert." The truth is that we can't really control what makes us feel good and sexy. It just happens in our body. I think everything is ok between consenting adults. Whatever you like is fine, its perfect in fact.
It sounds like you want and need someone to share your sexuality and your feelings with. I know that you've been hurt by other people, but if you can find a friend and a lover who accepts you (and you can!!!) then I think you will understand that there is no "pervert" in you, just a very unique person.
You have met a lot of hurtful, immoral people, but don't let them convince you that all people are this way! And suicide or hurting yourself is just helping those mean people. Find love and forgiveness - that's how you prove all those people wrong!
Why did God make so much suffering for some people? Because God is understanding, and forgiving. God has given you the opportunity to be like God.
