[Doll]

^ I would have had no idea you were any kind of autistic. But that's also the type of thing that you can't really tell, because autism tends to usually give people superhuman smarts, but affect them in other ways such as social situations or like reading with you (obviously it also depends on the type, too). I really think they just diagnose it as a way to confront it as an issue, so it can be addressed and treated if necessary. So I can understand that. But just because it's a "disorder" doesn't make you disabled. Not at all. I'm pretty sure I have Attention Deficit Disorder, and because of it, I have the same problems as you do with reading comprehension, as long as it's something that doesn't interest me, or if I simply can't concentrate at the moment. Yes, it's a disorder. But it doesn't in any way disable me. Just makes it harder to learn new things sometimes.

I say just because something's technically a disorder, doesn't mean something's wrong with you. Maybe unconventional or "off", but not wrong. I honestly have no problem with my disorders being classified as "disorders" because I know they don't hold me back, and I know that others can see that in me. :3

Also, congrats to your hubby! That's a lot of weight to lose! I don't have too much to lose quite honestly, so rapid weight loss shouldn't give me lose skin. But as a precaution, I've been using cocoa butter on my breasts, butt and thighs, where I have the most weight to lose. I REALLY want to be able to drop my breasts down to at least close to their starting size, so that I can hopefully get the least invasive surgery possible when I get them removed entirely. Otherwise, I'll be stuck with giant scars across my chest for years, and I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice that. So HOPEFULLY that can be addressed with weight loss, but as firm as my breasts usually are, it may be a lot of breast tissue rather than fat, so I'm not gonna put all my candles on one cake.

I am so sorry! Maybe I should have said something sooner... when I first had an inkling that things weren't really working for you the way you REALLY needed.

Yeah. I recognized what you were doing as being the same thing I tried doing once, waaaaaay back in high school. Just the opposite.

I tried to over-masculinize to hide even more from reality. And I could see signs in you that you were doing the same type of thing, but over-feminizing to hide from YOUR reality.

Was it because of me that you were finally able to face your demons? If so, I'm glad at least that I was able to do that much for you... If not, well, I am still glad you're finally doing what you really need. And be assured I will support you fully in whatever way I can.

I know this isn't an easy thing to face... You do have it a LITTLE different from me. I won't be so stupid as to try to say easier... Because even though people aren't going to be as downright mean to you because of this, like they are to me, there's still a whole different kind of discrimination you're going to face. It stems from the same source. But it gets shown differently.

To be quite honest with you though, I have difficulty even with considering it a "disorder". The disorder is trying to be who you're not. Once you're able to become who you really are, there's no longer any disorder IMO. You're just a man with a birth defect. Just like I'll be a woman with a birth defect.

Who are we really? In my mind, I'm a mental and spiritual being first. My physical manifestation is only the shell used to house me. My mind and spirit are female. So I'm female. It's only the shell that betrayed me.

It's nothing you could have talked me out of, it's ok. Just something I had to try, I suppose. Live and learn, right? I just wish I'd learned years ago like I should have, haha!

Actually, you're one of the few people I thought about when I made my realization. I can tell giving in and working towards your true inner self has made you happy, and I realized I could be happy. So I do definitely thank you for everything you share here, you're definitely one of my biggest inspirations in this! <3 I've got hope that because of my PCOS, it will be fairly easy to increase my natural testosterone before getting on HRT. :3

I'm honestly kind of glad my progress came so fast, so that I could realize my feelings sooner rather than later. I think I'm mad at myself now for putting it off for so long, but how mad would I be if I didn't realize it until after 3+ years of slow NBE? ^^;

And I know considering it a disorder is very controversial, but I'm willing to accept it as that simply because it makes it easier for those who aren't transgendered to understand what the term actually means. We go through mental hell trying to find happiness for ourselves. Even as small children. This isn't just a decision we made. It's how we were made from the start. And I completely understand just how hard it is for someone happy with their gender to comprehend. Because I'm in the "wrong" body, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.

@Sarah
Haha, my herbs are wearing off in my body, and my T has been slowly rising because of my now healthy thyroid, and I've actually noticed a LOT more mental clarity. I'm even driving my car better, if that makes sense (I don't know if anyone else gets mind fog to that degree, or if maybe I just notice it more because I had low E to begin with. But I definitely love it! I feel like I've been smoking weed nonstop for a year and now I'm finally flushing it out of my system and seeing the world clearer. I feel like I'm able to be more myself, and even just having extra T back in my system again makes me behave more like a guy than the way I faked being a girl with E. BTW, I'd share my boobs with all of you if I could. ;P

@LookingForward2NBE
2 capsule? You mean my Natural Curves, that's only 2 pills a day? Is that what you're talking about?
For the two weeks I used it or whatever, I noticed it was much weaker than my PM (although still decently strong for so few pills). So I added 1 500mg Dong Quai, and 1 Red Clover EXTRACT pill a day, and that seemed to help strengthen it (Natural Curves has Pepperine in it, which helps absorb things into your body better, so always take them together!)
As I stated, I'm going to let y'all know how it goes for my friend if she continues on it.

@tibetan
Thank you, and yes, I'm very eager, because if anything, this past year of mistakes has at least taught me that change is possible!