[caitemh]

Since I started my NBE journey a month and a bit ago, it's all I think about. I'm obsessed.

I am always on these forums, reading, learning and hoping I can have results like you girls.

I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, more so my anxiety that has crippled me for a few years now.

I tend to worry a LOT about money, and I realize that this venture is going to be a pricey one. My boyfriend and I are just getting back on our feet after he spent a year off from work, and I am just finally able to have a LITTLE bit of money to spend on myself..
but I get guilty.

I want nothing more than to grow my girls, its all I think about. I find myself obsessing, checking the mirror every day, wondering what else I can do to make this happen. I am introducing MSM to my program soon, and I wanted to try collagen (Until I read someone on here said it was really pointless to take). I placed an order for collagen last night, and just the idea of spending that $30 made me sick to my stomach with guilt. My boyfriend even offered to pay for the collagen, but I just can't help but feeling awful.
So I'm cancelling the order...

But i'm going crazy... I can't shake this guilt, because I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on this kind of stuff when we really need to save up our earnings (we hope to move back out to the coast eventually)...but I'm just trying to improve my body so I love it..


What can you girls tell me about the way I'm feeling...Is it normal, is it wrong?
I just can't shake this guilt...I know it's my anxiety that plays a part. I think about it and my brain goes "But what if you need this $30 for food, or gas?"

I'm afraid this mindset is going to eventually cause me to give up because I can't handle the idea that I'm wasting my time and money...