[caitemh]

Thank you for at least showing me I'm not alone.

I've been going through super high stress situations lately, and I'm a very easy stress reactor.. So I know I'm playing with fire trying this while I'm stressed.

But I've gone through so many years of self hatred, that after one particularly Intense panic attack, my boyfriend simply told me that we cannot work if I cannot love myself and let go of my crazy insecurities.

So I've been, over the last month or so, attempting to change my personal views on myself. My NBE program is part of it..

But after so long thinking I'm undeserving of anything (good looks, great hair, rocking body, love, good job, money, and all else) it's hard to stop myself from feeling guilty when I work on myself.

My boyfriend did offer to pay for said Collagen.. But it just upsets me.. If I can't afford it, why should I?

Money has always made me feel guilty when I spend it on myself. I grew up in a very low income home where we didn't get anything frivolous over essentials..

Le sigh. I'm just impatient I think...