[gasolinerainbow]

I suppose that's one way of dealing with a certain type of man.

I would say the type of man I normally go for wouldn't have the posters in the first place, definitely not in a main room like that, and if he had, he would take them down in a blink of an eye. Unfortunately my current boyfriend is something of a misogynst and the easiest way to deal with him probably would be to follow your advice...

However, I don't see why I should lay down what I believe in for what he believes in. I'm no going to submit to a man for an easy life and live up to my gender stereotype.

I knew what I was getting into in this relationship but equally so did he and I will not allow him to be totally uncompromising. I don't think it's fair to compromise feelings for male pride. Maybe he wasn't aware of this as we have only been together 7 months but he is about to become very aware. I will not tolerate someone keeping posters of no sentimental vlue, that they don't even notice simply because they've been up there so long, just so they can exert their male pride.

... If the posters are up next time I'm there (because he finally agreed to take them down), then they'll be coming down by my hands. He will be absolutely pissed but that's a lot less concerning for our relationship than me being the angry one.

Oh and @mydreamisGcup, I would compromise... if totally necessary. I do let him have his Kelly Brook calander and his Lucy Pinder poster and all the totally grotesque pictures in his garage...

Men are so gross.

[sweetpea]

Pictures of naked women in his living room? That guy needs to grow up! Yea, you're a disgusting, vile guy, what does that prove? It sounds like he just wants to shock people for attention. If he really wants to look at that stuff, he could keep it on his computer like most other guys do! You don't need to feel bad about yourself. I think he thinks you are too good for him, which is why he tries to lower your self esteem. It doesn't matter if he is nice to you at other times, that may be his way of keeping you around. I mean, if he only said bad things you wouldn't stick around long enough for him to slowly destroy your self esteem. He needs you around and doesn't want you to leave. You should talk to him about it and say you never had low self esteem before you met him. If he truly cares about you, he'll stop doing things to hurt you! You don't want him to lower your self esteem any more right? If not, there are plenty of guys who would treat you right!

[DropDeadDoll]

@Beachbumbythesea, my boyfriend's tried saying the same thing to me. I've thought about it and if I'm honest, the only reason he's not with those people is because he doesn't know them and I doubt they'd go out with him. If I had a poster of a gorgeous bloke and let's say this guy also happens to be witty and intelligent and everything else I look for in a man then I highly doubt that, given the choice, I would choose to start a relationship with my boyfriend over him. If I met him whilst in a relationship with my boyfriend then I wouldn't leave my man for him but I don't find any particular comfort in this notion. Besides, those posters represent everything I hate about the society we live in today.

Thanks for the advice Isabelle I did what you said and focused on his behaviour rather than how I personally feel about the posters. I asked him if he would leave me if I took them down (thinking if he said yes, then I'd leave him right then and there!) and he said he'd be very, very angry on the principle that I'd be showing total disrespect for his freedom. I said at the end of the day it comes down to total disrespect for his freedom vs. total disrespect for my feelings and he said he'd take them down if it would prevent us falling out if I took them down myself. That's the best outcome I could have hoped for really (:

I don't mean to do him a disservice by writing about only the negative things. Apart from the posters, and comments on my lack of breast size, and him sticking a stiletto in this girls cleavage to measure it while he ogled at her when he was drunk (I reminded him about this because he had no recollection whatsoever, he then went and asked the girl if it actually happened. He came back and informed ME that it did. I said 'well, if she said it happened, it MUST have happened. Don't worry about what your gf tells you, I can't think of any reason why you should trust her)... Ahem, yes, apart from all that he's very caring, generous and loving. He just does nothing for my self-esteem and is the most stubborn person I've ever met.

I've never had a low self-esteem before... The thing is, he does everything he can to try and make me feel good about myself but then he says and does the most tactless things and won't accept any responsibility for them. He can't see that it's those things that undermine all the positive stuff. Therein lies our problem :/ I didn't even care about the posters that much to begin with but slowly they've become the pinnacle of my discontent.

As far as feminism goes; I won't watch TV because it's littered with the sexualisation of our gender. I've complained to the advertising agency about almost every advert under the sun! I won't buy magazines, won't shop in certain shops; the list goes on... I never used to be like this, haha, it seems that being with my bf has brought to my attention how sexualised and discriminated against the female gender is.

You know, I really do wonder how we ended up together. He is the perfect combination of everything I hate in a man and everything I love. The weird thing is, I realised that long before I fell in love with him.

society sucks yh but that men are so captivated by female beauty is their weakness not ours

[twister_mama]

Gasolinerainbow, you are NOT being irrational!!! I too am sickened by what society has done to women. I never watch TV, or buy magazines, or go to movies anymore (unless it's a kids movie) because I'm sick and tired and downright disgusted at seeing mostly-naked women, most of whom have been surgically enhanced. My husband feels the exact same way. He's never watched pornos; hell, he gets embarrassed when we walk past the women's underwear section at Walmart. He's a good, DECENT man; and there are more men out there like him! As I wrote on your program page, your boyfriend will kill your self-esteem. He sounds exactly like my ex-husband; and my self-esteem still to this day has not recovered. Don't let that happen to you! Show him that you ARE better than him and leave, before something worse happens. You deserve WAY better than that! Don't lower yourself for scum like that. The RIGHT man will make you feel like a princess; and he will RESPECT you, and share the same values as you. This jerk will be a thorn in your side for the rest of your life, if you let him. I'm speaking from experience!

Sorry, this just hit too close to home for me. Bad memories.

[gasolinerainbow]

Your husband sounds lovely

[sweet juicy]

Not good boy he was

[Wahaika]

Dump him. You can do better elsewhere and he can learn what he lost.

[Nyx]

Even though Wahaika's words were rather harsh, I kind of have to agree.

It's my belief that there is a perfect match for every person in the world and that you'll find yours eventually. If there's something that doesn't seem right about a relationship, you should move on and find that perfect person for you rather than force your idea of perfection on someone that's trying to resist change (especially such a small change as taking posters down).

You said your boyfriend was angry about having to take the posters down and felt like you were disrespecting his freedom. That's really immature for anyone to say and makes me think of children on the playground shouting, "you can't make me, it's a free country!" You said he does nothing for your self esteem, in fact, it seems like he's lowering your self esteem. This is an unhealthy relationship. If things are getting to the point where the littlest things become the biggest issue, then you're subconsciously just looking for a way out. I know you love him and this will sound cliche, but you need to love yourself more and just leave him. He's not worth the arguments. Can you imagine yourself marrying him and living with him for the rest of your life? Living with the posters and the tactless comments? You will find someone better.

Again, these are only my opinions and I just hope to give you something to consider. I'm not personally very experienced in relationships, but I do hear a lot from friends who come crying to me about their problems and I've learned that it's all about following your instincts.

[Luxy]

How would he feel if you had a bunch of naked unrealistic pictures of men in your room. Probably pretty shitty. Stop questioning your feelings, they are valid. If it makes you uncomfortable then talk to him about it, if he doesn't love or care about your feelings enough to respect that, then I would seriously consider finding a new boyfriend.

Personally, I would never get serious with a guy who had objectifying pictures of women on his wall. Its disrespectful, and I can do better. I think you can too. Good luck sweet. Listen to your gut.

Btw. Im a feminist. Guess what that means. I dont take shit from anybody. Not that im "angry". In fact it makes me a helluva lot happier.

[Babakins]

Very interesting and lots of good advice. I think you are both missing the deeper issue here and there is ALWAYS deeper issue. We know why it bothers you to see these posters. Why does he have them up have you asked him? What apart from the obvious does he want from them, are they a replacement or a positive visualisation for what he wants?

I'd just ask and see what's lurking in his head. It will answer a lot and help you decide if you really are compatible. It may be that you aren't and it's so hard to know in a new relationship. Also is dating been a new thing for him - ie is he new to it full stop was there someone just before you? If not it could explain that he is new to emotional relationships, partnerships and sharing perhaps. If so as he adjusts to the situation - you, the posters will go anyway.

I personally wouldn't be bothered unless it was a space I shared permanently, as I'd never have student-like posters on my walls! This is the reason why garden sheds were invented here in the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!