I went to a restorative yoga class last night. I want to start working out in different ways, ways that can benefit my whole being. I think I am done with squatting like crazy, doing crazy diets/supps just because " Oh I wanna look like that! I want that butt!".It is limited and illogical, not to mention base. Not to say that vanity is all bad, but the shallowness of it is not godly or attractive. I want to attain and cultivate beauty in all its forms- that means being beautiful period, not faking it, or being seemingly so because you have large breasts.......
Sooo, because I think it important for me to exercise my muscles and look good still, I will be doing yoga
I had a horrible terrifying nightmare last night that I had a large swollen wrist, I mean like a severe ball like swelling on the front of my wrists. I was young and so scared. But in the dream, just like in real life, my daddy was not caring for me, he didnt want to take me to the doctor and he jusr didnt seem to care that I was so sick. Then I had a dream that my dad's ex wife (who used to abuse me and my siblings physically and mentally) was looking for me and my siblings so she could beat and torture us
I literally woke up screaming. Like screaming. Ive had the latter dream before but never as bad. It made me think that the 1st dream is kind of like what I am going through now. I know my bf loves me, but just like my dad in childhood, I am scared that he wont take care of me and that he doesnt/cant support me even though I know he does. I cant get over those feelings. The growth on my wrist seemed to me an obvious representation of my current day reproductive health problems.
I was even thinking that my old stepmom and my dad was much of the reason for my current situation. I was always a tough person and still am. I am NOT a whiner, but I had to let this out. I dont know if because of the relaxation from yoga or what but those things just came flowing from me last night. Actually Im kind of glad.