19-09-2015, 06:36
[attachment=10307][attachment=10306] Most of my life i had one thing , one positive in my nature i could always count on, and that was my ability to start over.
Failed relationships, moves to different cities i felt id always be able to shake off the most recent problem and move on.
But this is different,,
It is something Ive been aware of since my early years, (those out on my own) , i knew i had the makings of this duel nature,, but i also was addicted to women's kisses and their attentions and to the heroic ideals of my childhood .so the mysteries of MY inner nature didn't get much air time.
I delved into this thinking a few times during those long years, even before my gynocomastia had built a set of large jugs on my chest. And i always pulled back from it, and lost myself in someone else, in that search to always know (someone else completely,) but never myself.
I'm still heterosexual and happy in that life and my romantic connection, very happy. But These breasts, weren't going to be ignored, i found myself sitting up taking pictures of my muscular arms and my woman's chest and thinking,( F,,, !!! ) i cant present a complete picture of either a man or a woman.
I cant be proud of my physic like i used to be, i cant fit in to groups of male friends like i used to, even through my clothes the proof was visually evident to other men that something was terribly wrong with me. I finally approached a life long friend with the problem, and he called me a freak. And not in a kidding fashion.
And i thought if i cant even go (to him) with this who will ever see me any differently. And that was when i began living much like a hermit,. Oh i had friends around town at businesses and such but no one i could really confide in. And then i met Lori.
Both of us had similar pasts, and she was beautiful but dealing with hormonal issues of her own,, facial hair she hated,, so the two of us bonded passionately, and i never see her whiskers and she never sees my breasts. Not denial,,, but instead joined forever in the most important kind of friendship,,,in the acceptance of who we are.
She makes it possible for me to sanely address this,,, for me to stagger blindly through these mists of self doubt and questionable identity. I hear many of you suffering and i do as well,, but we need to hold each other up, as we search for our place in this world and an identity our heart and mind can finally come to peace with. goodnight,
Failed relationships, moves to different cities i felt id always be able to shake off the most recent problem and move on.
But this is different,,
It is something Ive been aware of since my early years, (those out on my own) , i knew i had the makings of this duel nature,, but i also was addicted to women's kisses and their attentions and to the heroic ideals of my childhood .so the mysteries of MY inner nature didn't get much air time.
I delved into this thinking a few times during those long years, even before my gynocomastia had built a set of large jugs on my chest. And i always pulled back from it, and lost myself in someone else, in that search to always know (someone else completely,) but never myself.
I'm still heterosexual and happy in that life and my romantic connection, very happy. But These breasts, weren't going to be ignored, i found myself sitting up taking pictures of my muscular arms and my woman's chest and thinking,( F,,, !!! ) i cant present a complete picture of either a man or a woman.
I cant be proud of my physic like i used to be, i cant fit in to groups of male friends like i used to, even through my clothes the proof was visually evident to other men that something was terribly wrong with me. I finally approached a life long friend with the problem, and he called me a freak. And not in a kidding fashion.
And i thought if i cant even go (to him) with this who will ever see me any differently. And that was when i began living much like a hermit,. Oh i had friends around town at businesses and such but no one i could really confide in. And then i met Lori.
Both of us had similar pasts, and she was beautiful but dealing with hormonal issues of her own,, facial hair she hated,, so the two of us bonded passionately, and i never see her whiskers and she never sees my breasts. Not denial,,, but instead joined forever in the most important kind of friendship,,,in the acceptance of who we are.
She makes it possible for me to sanely address this,,, for me to stagger blindly through these mists of self doubt and questionable identity. I hear many of you suffering and i do as well,, but we need to hold each other up, as we search for our place in this world and an identity our heart and mind can finally come to peace with. goodnight,
