[EllaC]

Look better.
I mean why else do women wear push up bras, uplift bras, You name it! All these super models... IM sure they aren't wearing bras that DONT make hem look attractive.

Anyway I'm having a sulky moment

My husband perks up and pays attention to me soo much more when I wear a bra that pushes up the girls and makes them stand out... However... I HATE wearing bras you know he will poke and squeeze them(or more the bra that makes them look perkier) and I get really grumpy cause I know he will end up feeling more bra than my boobs ..

I can't help but feel like an unattractive troll when I'm not wearing them and feel soo unfeminine.

I guess had I have more self confidence in my sexuality then I wouldn't feel this wAy and continually take risks to raise x/y/z hormones to try make myself look/feel more feminine

Sorry to vent, it's not my usAl style but I figure a few feel like myself male or female.

Maybe we need to learn to love ourselves and FEEL sexy no matter what our desired bosom or what have you feature may be... Maybe we need to act sexy whether we feel it or not ..

I can in all honesty say a person who I find unattractive can be "attractive" to me IF they act and perceive themselves to be a sex symbol. Is this the magic key ....
Love ourselves and see ourselves as sexy and what not...

Il try it tonight anyway and see how it goes down!

[EllaC]

Update: hubby got home and INSTEAD of moping around and feeling unsexy and acting accordingly... I turned it around... I ACTED totally sexy, I grabbed him and acted sexy and BOY OH BOY did he react accordingly!
Even un bra'd he told me that " your soo sexy" !!

So I guess it goes to prove irrespective of how you FEEL about yourself... If you AcT sexy and feel sexy others will see you accordingly.

A nice lesson learned today

[Dianna1395]

Hi, Ella!
Great news!
Matches my findings, too. When I get home at night, I'm DONE. Want to go to sleep, sometimes immediately, sometimes after watching some TV with a drink... :-)
But I need to re-set to get to a high-energy state, and that's almost the same as your findings yesterday.

I've read of a few ways to set the mental state, but haven't applied it.

(Off topic, but might be useful?)

1. Tony Robbins I think it was, talked about setting a mental state to an action. E.G., feeling REALLY happy, joyous, energetic: You do a motion with the emotion, such as jumping up and down a little. Or rubbing the back of a hand.
When you need that energy state, and aren't there psychologically - you repeat the actions. Action is tied to emotion, you now trigger the emotion.

2. Self image & psycho-cybernetics. I think this is like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). So, you pay attention to your thoughts, and if you're thinking in the "set" pattern, which is the one you DON'T want, you interrupt it. Even say, out loud, "CANCEL" or "STOP". Then, consciously reset the thought pattern, pointing to where you want to go.
E.G., "Wearing a bra sucks" but you need the support. So, when you feel the bra, and start to gripe about it quietly, you say, "CANCEL" and then say, "I wear a bra for comfort and because it's sexy. I'm wearing Elomi, it's lacy and pretty and will make my man want to take it off... without unhooking it! I'm sexy, and he wants me, and that's why I wear the bra, to be sexy!" So, redirect and affirm the new thought pattern.

I need to do the same thing in my life, so - thank you for reminding me I have the tools to get started!

-Dianna

[EllaC]

Hi, Ella!
Great news!
Matches my findings, too. When I get home at night, I'm DONE. Want to go to sleep, sometimes immediately, sometimes after watching some TV with a drink... :-)
But I need to re-set to get to a high-energy state, and that's almost the same as your findings yesterday.

I've read of a few ways to set the mental state, but haven't applied it.

(Off topic, but might be useful?)

1. Tony Robbins I think it was, talked about setting a mental state to an action. E.G., feeling REALLY happy, joyous, energetic: You do a motion with the emotion, such as jumping up and down a little. Or rubbing the back of a hand.
When you need that energy state, and aren't there psychologically - you repeat the actions. Action is tied to emotion, you now trigger the emotion.

2. Self image & psycho-cybernetics. I think this is like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). So, you pay attention to your thoughts, and if you're thinking in the "set" pattern, which is the one you DON'T want, you interrupt it. Even say, out loud, "CANCEL" or "STOP". Then, consciously reset the thought pattern, pointing to where you want to go.
E.G., "Wearing a bra sucks" but you need the support. So, when you feel the bra, and start to gripe about it quietly, you say, "CANCEL" and then say, "I wear a bra for comfort and because it's sexy. I'm wearing Elomi, it's lacy and pretty and will make my man want to take it off... without unhooking it! I'm sexy, and he wants me, and that's why I wear the bra, to be sexy!" So, redirect and affirm the new thought pattern.

I need to do the same thing in my life, so - thank you for reminding me I have the tools to get started!

-Dianna

Dianna are there books in particular you can recommend? What you said re CBT is exactly what I need..... You know I READ these motivational things all the time but it's hard to stick , I wish there was an "app" or something we could listen too throughout the day to remind us to reset our thinking.
You are a wealth of info Dianna, thanks.

[Dianna1395]

Maxwell Maltz's classic is the best starting point.
"The New Psycho-Cybernetics" is the updated version (Most recent I know of).

You can also google "Zero Resistance Living" which should bring up the Maxwell Matlz Foundation and a set of CDs from Matt Furey. I never got through the program, I've been meaning to for a LONG time (15 years or so). It's just not something that fit well in my life. BUT, it was good enough I was able to make positive changes a few times just from the dabbling I did.

CBT apparently is usually done with a therapist or instructor. I don't know how much it differs; from some googling today, it appears to be a "big brother" of the principles of Psycho-cybernetics, using an objective third party to guide you. Also used more for mental issues, such as depression, PTSD, etc.

I'd think you could start with Psycho-Cybernetics and get a start. If it appeals to you, then look to ZRL and/or CBT depending on what you've found out about yourself. E.G., you uncover childhood abuse, might be better to talk to a therapist who can keep you honest and accountable. You want to get over a bad habit, say eating a candy bar every day, Psycho-C might be more than adequate.

I'm going to look into Psycho-C again. I have no shortage of issues to deal with, and I'm trying to use the techniques already. Maybe I should read the rest of it, and learn about the follow-through on correcting the issues I have. E.G., PTSD from abuse & assault.... I know to stop the negative thought patterns, but what's next? How do I keep a uniform response afterwards? How to reprogram efficiently? Effectively? Etc.

The book is probably $10 in paperback. Used maybe a lot less. Hardcover was $22 when I bought it. Old version is probably pennies, no idea about Kindle availability.
Furey is a... Well, he's expensive. Products are worth the money, but expect to be aggressively marketed if you go to a seminar. Good products, again, but not cheap.

Then beyond that there'd be therapy. For the basic stuff, a counselor might be OK. If it's a real mental health issue, the CBT gives good, quick results, but I understand it doesn't solve the problem, merely corrects the behavior. It is possible to overcome to problem without analyzing it to death. For example, I'm not a child anymore, and I can inflict damage. But feeling the expectation of violence all the time? Not helpful. Makes social interactions difficult. I've flinched a lot, I guess; my boss won't actually reach out to me, for example, where you'd normally touch someone on the shoulder, say - he reaches, then stops before making contact. I'm aware that I've been following where he's moving and how... I guess he noticed that. I make myself smaller a lot, too. Turn sideways with my back against the wall. Smaller target, no one coming from behind.
I can spend years in therapy to uncover and maybe fix the root cause of the fear... or I can correct my actions so I don't accept the baseless fears, but don't lose my awareness, either. Don't want to get mugged, but don't want to go outside expecting to get mugged, either.

Hope that helps...

-Dianna

[missboobshirt]

Really happy your hubby reacted like that that's a great feeling <3 you deserve no less <33 I agree about loving ourselves-- so true. All women come in all shapes and sizes and all are beautiful in their own way. You're definitely not unfeminine.

[EllaC]

Really happy your hubby reacted like that that's a great feeling <3 you deserve no less <33 I agree about loving ourselves-- so true. All women come in all shapes and sizes and all are beautiful in their own way. You're definitely not unfeminine.

Thank you missb xxx

[Alliecat]

Ella I am right there with you! I HATE wearing a bra. I have never found one that is comfortable to wear, even spending $50 or more on expensive brand ones. When I am wearing clothes in layers I do not wear one, and if I am wearing one I take it off the minute I get home. They are seriously the WORST!

And after nearly 3 years with my boyfriend, I still feel shy about trying to act sexy, so I can relate to you there. I forget that he thinks I am sexy even if I don't, so the best way to make myself remember is to PRETEND to feel sexy. As in sometimes I will take off my shirt in front of him randomly so he can touch my boobs and when I see him enjoy that it makes me feel more attractive. But there is always that scary thought of rejection or that he will laugh at me that I need to get over every single time I try something.

I would like to learn more about the phsyco c as well. I am going to see if I can get that book Dianna is talking about.

[Alliecat]

And don't worry about having a glum day Ella. It happens to all of us and it helps to vent to people who understand what it feels like. We all have that in common here

[EllaC]

And don't worry about having a glum day Ella. It happens to all of us and it helps to vent to people who understand what it feels like. We all have that in common here

Thanks allie