Title. I first posted here back in July so it's almost been 9 months. I haven't had any growth whatsoever still. My breasts are still the most disgusting things I have ever seen and I still want to rip them off and throw them in the trash like the rest of this fucking ugly body I'm cursed with.
I've still been taking supplements since and find it weird that they haven't done anything at all. It's like I'm taking empty capsules or something. It occurred to me, could I not be seeing anything because I've been on antidepressants for 14 years? I'm no medical expert, but when I've looked this up online people who are on antidepressants don't seem to benefit from taking herbal supplements simultaneously. People who are bipolar especially are negatively affected. I'm not bipolar, but I do have chronic depression which has been deemed incurable. I became used to being on antidepressants but I don't think they've ever really benefited me. If they ever did, then why did my depression start from minor and eventually end up to severe despite continuous and regular treatment upon first diagnosis? Makes me think I've just been pumped with useless meds for all these years.
Well, needless to say, I stopped taking those meds. I'll be telling my med provider when I speak to her again cause I'm fed up with meds that don't do shit anyways. Mind you, I am on a very strong dosage of antidepressants (have been for years) and the fact that they haven't worked at all really says something. Even if that's not the problem and my body for some reason is just magically immune to herbs I refuse to go back to my meds. I have no meaning in life, a disgusting body and ugly face, and am a useless loser who leeches off the system and has no real job. So what's the point? It's not like I'm ever gonna amount to anything. Even the hormone supplements I was put on 4 months ago haven't done anything, and I was put on more than just progesterone for my breasts.
I started bovine ovary and breast massages a few weeks ago to go with the herbs and other hormonal supplements. Combined with the fact that I am still continuously pumping this is my last resort to see if I stay off prescription antidepressants for a while that will give room for the herbs and hormones to work. I still have been using bioidentical progesterone cream 2 times a day rubbing in a full, wide, circular motion. 5 months of that and nothing so far with that either. Maybe it just takes a lot longer but I'm getting really tired of doing all this stuff and not seeing any sort of results.
I heard that using too much estrogen/progesterone hormones greatly increases the chances of developing breast cancer. And you know what? I don't give a flying fuck. If I get cancer then I will be getting doctor assisted suicide no hesitation. I live in Oregon and the law permits the use so I can't be told no. If I can't have at least one little part of me that I can be happy with then life is not worth living. There's no future for me anyways. Society will be far better off without me sucking the blood of social security for the rest of my natural life.
So yeah good luck to those of you who start and congrats to those of you who have seen results. Can't say I'm not envious. I guess it's wrong for me to want to feel like a woman and not a dickless boy since I know I'll most likely be judged if it does all come down to me developing cancer. Growing up in a religious family sucks. Maybe I'll finally get lucky and will finally start to develop a womanly shape after nearly 18 years from hitting puberty. Given my luck I'm not counting on it, for me it's far more likely for my work to turn into breast cancer. I don't have the money for expensive surgery and I live in a rural area so there isn't anyone for hundreds of miles who does fat transfers to the breasts. I can't cough up thousands of grand on a dime especially when I rely on the government just to be able to eat. So please don't bother recommending surgery, it's nowhere near an option for me.
Maybe in another life I will be blessed with something positive and an actual reason for existing. You know, one that isn't a human punching bag for attractive people to shit on.