Posts: 1,597
Threads: 35
Joined: Dec 2009
Some people advise against that type of mentality when dating, I did the same thing. And everyone told me not to do that, to not try to focus so much energy on one guy at a time, but date multiples at a time that way I'd have a "pick of the liter" so to speak. That didn't make sense to me personally, so it's not what I did. Every guy and girl I dated (yes I'm bisexual, though I dated more guys than girls, cause well, to be frank girls are crazy lol) I looked at from the git go if I would be able to live my life with this person. When I would talk to a potential date, like if you get someone's number and yall talk before going on a date, the first few questions I asked within the first conversation were... religion preferences, if they wanted children, if they eventually planned to settle down and be married, what their future goals were, morals, etc. Usually after dating I would go deeper into things more intimate, like sexual fantasies, romantic type things, etc. If everything matched up to me or something I could compromise on, I would take it further with them.
Now with every other person I dated it took a bit of prying to get out all the answers I wanted and to see if we were a match or not. But with my husband it was like effortless. Even now our relationship is mostly effortless. And he is not the first long term relationship I had. I was with my son's father for 4 years, and 3 years of it was pure hell. So I know what the difference is between a functioning relationship and a non-functioning one. Everyone has flaws, we are human, so no one will be 100% perfect. So yes we do have to still work to keep each other happy and to maintain a healthy relationship, but it's more effortless when compared to a relationship that is not going to work no matter what you do.
When I met my hubby we talked on the phone a good 4-5 hours. It was on a friday and he then (it was evening by then) asked if he could come over and hang out, as he didn't have plans and strangely the guys hadn't called him to go clubbing. I was hesitant, my head was telling me no, but my heart and gut feeling was saying yes. Everything I ever knew said this was wrong, that I barely knew this guy and it may not be a good idea. He lived 5 hours away, and he drove 5 hours to come see me. We did not start talking to potentially date, it was more as friends really, so I didn't cover the usual questions but somehow they were answered in the conversations we had anyway. Well I asked my mom if she could watch my son overnight so I could go out, she agreed and I told him he could come over. We had dinner that I bought, started to watch a movie but it ended up just playing in the background as we talked for hours and ended up flirting. When it came time to go to bed, I got out blankets and such for him to camp out on the couch, this was at 1 or 2 am, so he definitely couldn't just drive back home. He then took the covers and such and put them on the floor saying he felt more comfortable there. Well I ended up laying on the floor with him and talking. Somehow we ended up kissing. And it was love at first kiss. We ended up spending the entire weekend together, and within the first night I just knew he was the one. We will be married 3 years on the 20th. I was a single mom when we got together and the biggest clue for me was the first moment my son met him, he fell in love with him too and called him "daddy". I instantly said no, to call him by his name (I have never been to type to try to look for a father for him when single) instantly my hubby said "no, it's okay, he can call me that because that's what I'll be". That was the biggest clue to me. He treats my son as if his own, no one ever knows my son isn't his until I say something usually because he always introduces him as his own. He treats him way better than his real father ever did. I think when you find the one, you just.... know. It's hard to explain.
Oh btw, he proposed 2 weeks after the first night, the first night was Feb 1st in 08, he proposed on VDay. We got married a month later on March 20th. Everyone besides my mom called me nuts. That was another clue for me. My mom NEVER liked ANYONE I dated. She absolutely hated my son's father from the beginning. I wish I had listened to her, and at the same time I'm glad I didn't or I wouldn't have my son now. And without him I may have not met my hubby to begin with. But yea, I was so hesitant to tell my mom when he proposed... I waited days trying to think of how to tell her. And when I did she bursted into tears, happy ones, saying how happy she was, that she had been praying he would propose... and she only met him twice!
Trust your gut, your heart, and what momma thinks. Moms are always right haha, whether we want them to be or not. I'm not particularly close with my mom, but she was right about him and about my exes. If you think the person you are dated could be the one, just make sure you know without any doubt in your mind. Sometimes we wear rose colored glasses, I know I did with my son's father and I paid heavily for it. Good luck!
; so we didn't actually meet in person until about a month later. This was before Skype; so every evening we talked on the phone for 5 hours. I was falling hard! I loved his voice. It was (and still is) so sexy. 
We'd email each other long "novels" as we called them, every day. And send each other pictures. He sent me flowers on occasion. The first time we met, when he took my hand, I about melted. It felt like electricity! I knew he was the one. I only got to see him for 3 days once a month, when he'd fly up here to see me. The third month, I flew down to see him; and he proposed. He got a job transfer up to my state a couple months after that. We were married exactly one year after he proposed. We've been married 7 and a half years now. I also have a child from a previous marriage; and she took to my husband immediately when she first saw him, which was unheard of for her. 
He loves her to death and spoils her rotten.