[amberd88]

I opened up the messages in his facebook, and saw one flirtatious message that he initiated the flirtations. Now the woman is a lesbian, and apparently my boyfriend was the only man she ever had a crush on in high school. This is the conversation
her : punk
him: yes i am, thank you *blush*
her: (blah blah about how she is unhappy but its not all bad)
him: well sweet thing i have to go
her: ok hansom

now that was the only time they talked and it was back in aug.

I just feel like my part of the relationship has been disrespected, and how do you feel about "harmless" flirting?

Since they haven't talked since aug, im sure it isnt anything, but i know that i wouldn't initiate something like that knowing its "harmless". He would flip shit if he read something like that from me... He flipped out when i vented via text to a friend and my friend didnt have nice things to say about him, but he went through my phone and then we had a huge fight about it. Should i just let this go?

[Bibi]

Hi Amberd88

Well, as always in these things there´s a double standard, everyone feels entitled to flirt freely but won´t accept their boyfriend/girlfriend flirting with someone else.

Personally I wouldn´t worry about these messages, they seem pretty innocent, especially if she´s a lesbian. I think they´re just trying to look cool, you know, I think for a guy it´s some sort of an honor to talk like that with a girl who isn´t into men, something that would boost their ego. I can imagine him feeling proud of himself for this flirty conversation!

But anyway, whenever these things happen, try not to take it personal and ask yourself "hmm who am I going to flirt with now?" Not to rub it in his face, but just to feel good about yourself. I think there´s nothing wrong with harmless flirting, it´s a way to feel attractive and make the other person feel attractive as well.
I think the best you can do is let it go, don´t even mention it, that way you´ll come across as very secure and that´s really attractive to a guy. It´s also intriguing to him that you don´t care.

I once had a boyfriend who used to flirt with everyone. One time he was with this really hot girl when he was waiting for me, and afterwards he asked me if I had seen him with her. I was like "who? I didn´t notice really", and he started telling me "that really gorgeous blonde? you didn´t see her?". He was really disapointed because he was probably trying to boast about this girl. But it made him look at me with more respect because I didn´t let myself become insecure about myself because he was talking with her. Afterwards I privately had a good laugh about the way he looked at me when I told him I hadn´t seen any hot girl.

[amberd88]

Thank you bibi!!! I just needed that confirmation, I was just really upset about finding it.

[Bibi]

Oh, and something else: notice she´s the one starting the whole conversation. Then she gives him a boring time talking about herself and he tries to get out of it with the "sweet thing" - so as not to sound rude, I imagine. So yeah, not to worry! He sounds like a nice guy.

[Isabelle]

I agree with Bibi.

If this is the worst you found in 6 months, count your blessings. What will really help your self confidence now is to stop looking.

[amberd88]

Your right Isabella, thank you!