[Doll]

So, I know I promised to start a Natural Curves product page, but things have recently come up, and I'm giving up my NBE for good and actually looking to reverse my results.

For those who don't remember, I came on here originally because I wanted to start NBE as an alternative to transitioning to male. I figured I would never be happy with the results of a transition, and that if I couldn't be male, I would just be the best darn female I could.

Over this past year and a half, I went from a small 34B to a small 34DD, and from a size 3 pant to a size 7 (and also from a 27" waist to a 25" waist). However, the more curvy I got, the more depressed I got, the more I begun to hate my body. I would literally cry at seeing myself in the mirror, and it took all I had to not try to kill myself. I've learned since that Gender Dysphoria is actually considered a disorder, not just a lifestyle choice. Those who don't transition or try to hide their real gender often suffer terrible depression, and many kill themselves because of it. I wasn't ever going to be successful in my feminizing. I would have just ended up dead.

So, apologies to those who were looking forward to my continued results, but I have to finally do this for myself.

I've stopped all my hormones, and have started on a supplemental Testosterone Booster until I can get on HRT. I just began OxyElitePro (original formula) for weight loss, and am hoping I'll be able to get rid of most of the butt and breast I've gained over this time, as well as a little extra stomach, arm and thigh fat. I've gone from just working my lower body to mostly working my upper body, and will start up on my abs again. I want to be lean and toned, and don't want to have this feminine body fat.

I'm worried that some of the breast growth may be too permanent to lose, but I remain hopeful. I want to get down to at least my starting size so that I can get surgery that doesn't leave large, obvious scars. In the less than a week since stopping my hormones, my T levels have shot through the roof (my natural levels, not from the T-booster), and my breasts are CRAZY sore, like they're begging me for the hormones I'm depriving them of. Haha! So maybe this is the beginning of them preparing to shrink. I've also just bought a binder to hold my breasts down in public (should be coming in the mail today), so that should assist in shrinking them.

I know this came completely out of nowhere, but now that I realize this is the source of my uncontrollable depression, I can't just stand by and wait to see what happens. I learned a lot this past year+, and can't fully regret it, I just wish I'd made the correct decision from the start.

I'll still continue to make posts regarding other body modifications, such as my eye lightening or weight loss/muscle building, and will also post reviews on Natural Curves if my friend decides to continue on it (since there aren't many reviews out there on it).

I want to thank everyone who helped me learn here throughout this past year, and wish the best of luck to anyone who decides to start or continue on NBE. It definitely works, I am proof of that, so don't ever give up. Just make sure it's what you truly desire.

[TibetanPrincess]

So, I know I promised to start a Natural Curves product page, but things have recently come up, and I'm giving up my NBE for good and actually looking to reverse my results.

For those who don't remember, I came on here originally because I wanted to start NBE as an alternative to transitioning to male. I figured I would never be happy with the results of a transition, and that if I couldn't be male, I would just be the best darn female I could.

Over this past year and a half, I went from a small 34B to a small 34DD, and from a size 3 pant to a size 7 (and also from a 27" waist to a 25" waist). However, the more curvy I got, the more depressed I got, the more I begun to hate my body. I would literally cry at seeing myself in the mirror, and it took all I had to not try to kill myself. I've learned since that Gender Dysphoria is actually considered a disorder, not just a lifestyle choice. Those who don't transition or try to hide their real gender often suffer terrible depression, and many kill themselves because of it. I wasn't ever going to be successful in my feminizing. I would have just ended up dead.

So, apologies to those who were looking forward to my continued results, but I have to finally do this for myself.

I've stopped all my hormones, and have started on a supplemental Testosterone Booster until I can get on HRT. I just began OxyElitePro (original formula) for weight loss, and am hoping I'll be able to get rid of most of the butt and breast I've gained over this time, as well as a little extra stomach, arm and thigh fat. I've gone from just working my lower body to mostly working my upper body, and will start up on my abs again. I want to be lean and toned, and don't want to have this feminine body fat.

I'm worried that some of the breast growth may be too permanent to lose, but I remain hopeful. I want to get down to at least my starting size so that I can get surgery that doesn't leave large, obvious scars. In the less than a week since stopping my hormones, my T levels have shot through the roof (my natural levels, not from the T-booster), and my breasts are CRAZY sore, like they're begging me for the hormones I'm depriving them of. Haha! So maybe this is the beginning of them preparing to shrink. I've also just bought a binder to hold my breasts down in public (should be coming in the mail today), so that should assist in shrinking them.

I know this came completely out of nowhere, but now that I realize this is the source of my uncontrollable depression, I can't just stand by and wait to see what happens. I learned a lot this past year+, and can't fully regret it, I just wish I'd made the correct decision from the start.

I'll still continue to make posts regarding other body modifications, such as my eye lightening or weight loss/muscle building, and will also post reviews on Natural Curves if my friend decides to continue on it (since there aren't many reviews out there on it).

I want to thank everyone who helped me learn here throughout this past year, and wish the best of luck to anyone who decides to start or continue on NBE. It definitely works, I am proof of that, so don't ever give up. Just make sure it's what you truly desire.

Hi Doll,

Thank you so much for all that you have contributed. I look forward to seeing your transition and support you. I know what its like to come so far on something and become more and more unhappy and suicidal. It may be slightly differing, but I truly know what its like.

I truly hope you get what you want out of all you do. We're all just a bunch of atoms and I believe we can change anything!

[LookingForward2NBE]

Doll,

Curious if you ever disclosed what your 2 capsule was going to be for NBE? If so, could you restate it.

With respect to your current mindset, there are a few natural options that could help you lose them without the effects of horrible surgical intervention. As with NBE, surgery should be the last if even any option to explore. Look at some astringent herbs, energy utilization herbs, long cardio and physical aspects like binding etc.

[AbiDrew85]

I am so sorry! Maybe I should have said something sooner... when I first had an inkling that things weren't really working for you the way you REALLY needed.

Yeah. I recognized what you were doing as being the same thing I tried doing once, waaaaaay back in high school. Just the opposite.

I tried to over-masculinize to hide even more from reality. And I could see signs in you that you were doing the same type of thing, but over-feminizing to hide from YOUR reality.

Was it because of me that you were finally able to face your demons? If so, I'm glad at least that I was able to do that much for you... If not, well, I am still glad you're finally doing what you really need. And be assured I will support you fully in whatever way I can.

I know this isn't an easy thing to face... You do have it a LITTLE different from me. I won't be so stupid as to try to say easier... Because even though people aren't going to be as downright mean to you because of this, like they are to me, there's still a whole different kind of discrimination you're going to face. It stems from the same source. But it gets shown differently.

To be quite honest with you though, I have difficulty even with considering it a "disorder". The disorder is trying to be who you're not. Once you're able to become who you really are, there's no longer any disorder IMO. You're just a man with a birth defect. Just like I'll be a woman with a birth defect.

Who are we really? In my mind, I'm a mental and spiritual being first. My physical manifestation is only the shell used to house me. My mind and spirit are female. So I'm female. It's only the shell that betrayed me.

[SarahSchilling]

Well...at least you're still young! Lots of people keep fighting it for most of their lives, so fortunately you don't have to suffer with lying to yourself anymore.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I'd take your breasts off your hands if I could~!

Hopefully the testosterone will cheer you up. Does it work like that? Because it always just pissed me off!

And now estradiol is making me go exclamation point crazy! Sorry lol

[Anastasia916]

I have to agree with Abi. "Disorder" is a label given by the ignorant. Just like I'm "technically" autistic... doctors diagnosed me as a kid with it, basically I have a few learning curves as I call them, I hate the term learning disability, I'm not disabled. My mind just works different than others. I'm on the mild spectrum of autism. Basically my reading comprehension sucks, I have to read something slower than most people and more than once to absorb it, I am better at isolating a problem and working on one thing at a time or I can multitask. I actually have an IQ of 136 last I was tested when I was 21. So I'm far from "disabled" nor do I have a "disorder". So basically I can't speed read and I learn different than other people, hard to explain.

So I definitely don't think because in your mind your one gender and on the outside you're another that you have a "disorder". You are who you are and that's that. If you workout enough, eat right, and get your body fat percentage under 15% I can guarantee you will loose your curves. Do it right though so you don't end up with saggy skin, my hubby lost 70 lbs last year and didn't end up with loose skin (he claims he has some, he really doesn't he's being hard on himself), because he did the weight loss gradually. I wish you luck in this new venture. I'm just envious of your results from NBE and in such a short period of time wish I had the same luck haha mine took much more time and of course I didn't get as big. But yea, if you can get that far in feminizing, I think you would do just as good if not better transitioning to where you really want to be.

[Doll]

^ I would have had no idea you were any kind of autistic. But that's also the type of thing that you can't really tell, because autism tends to usually give people superhuman smarts, but affect them in other ways such as social situations or like reading with you (obviously it also depends on the type, too). I really think they just diagnose it as a way to confront it as an issue, so it can be addressed and treated if necessary. So I can understand that. But just because it's a "disorder" doesn't make you disabled. Not at all. I'm pretty sure I have Attention Deficit Disorder, and because of it, I have the same problems as you do with reading comprehension, as long as it's something that doesn't interest me, or if I simply can't concentrate at the moment. Yes, it's a disorder. But it doesn't in any way disable me. Just makes it harder to learn new things sometimes.

I say just because something's technically a disorder, doesn't mean something's wrong with you. Maybe unconventional or "off", but not wrong. I honestly have no problem with my disorders being classified as "disorders" because I know they don't hold me back, and I know that others can see that in me. :3

Also, congrats to your hubby! That's a lot of weight to lose! I don't have too much to lose quite honestly, so rapid weight loss shouldn't give me lose skin. But as a precaution, I've been using cocoa butter on my breasts, butt and thighs, where I have the most weight to lose. I REALLY want to be able to drop my breasts down to at least close to their starting size, so that I can hopefully get the least invasive surgery possible when I get them removed entirely. Otherwise, I'll be stuck with giant scars across my chest for years, and I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice that. So HOPEFULLY that can be addressed with weight loss, but as firm as my breasts usually are, it may be a lot of breast tissue rather than fat, so I'm not gonna put all my candles on one cake.

I am so sorry! Maybe I should have said something sooner... when I first had an inkling that things weren't really working for you the way you REALLY needed.

Yeah. I recognized what you were doing as being the same thing I tried doing once, waaaaaay back in high school. Just the opposite.

I tried to over-masculinize to hide even more from reality. And I could see signs in you that you were doing the same type of thing, but over-feminizing to hide from YOUR reality.

Was it because of me that you were finally able to face your demons? If so, I'm glad at least that I was able to do that much for you... If not, well, I am still glad you're finally doing what you really need. And be assured I will support you fully in whatever way I can.

I know this isn't an easy thing to face... You do have it a LITTLE different from me. I won't be so stupid as to try to say easier... Because even though people aren't going to be as downright mean to you because of this, like they are to me, there's still a whole different kind of discrimination you're going to face. It stems from the same source. But it gets shown differently.

To be quite honest with you though, I have difficulty even with considering it a "disorder". The disorder is trying to be who you're not. Once you're able to become who you really are, there's no longer any disorder IMO. You're just a man with a birth defect. Just like I'll be a woman with a birth defect.

Who are we really? In my mind, I'm a mental and spiritual being first. My physical manifestation is only the shell used to house me. My mind and spirit are female. So I'm female. It's only the shell that betrayed me.

It's nothing you could have talked me out of, it's ok. Just something I had to try, I suppose. Live and learn, right? I just wish I'd learned years ago like I should have, haha!

Actually, you're one of the few people I thought about when I made my realization. I can tell giving in and working towards your true inner self has made you happy, and I realized I could be happy. So I do definitely thank you for everything you share here, you're definitely one of my biggest inspirations in this! <3 I've got hope that because of my PCOS, it will be fairly easy to increase my natural testosterone before getting on HRT. :3

I'm honestly kind of glad my progress came so fast, so that I could realize my feelings sooner rather than later. I think I'm mad at myself now for putting it off for so long, but how mad would I be if I didn't realize it until after 3+ years of slow NBE? ^^;

And I know considering it a disorder is very controversial, but I'm willing to accept it as that simply because it makes it easier for those who aren't transgendered to understand what the term actually means. We go through mental hell trying to find happiness for ourselves. Even as small children. This isn't just a decision we made. It's how we were made from the start. And I completely understand just how hard it is for someone happy with their gender to comprehend. Because I'm in the "wrong" body, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.

@Sarah
Haha, my herbs are wearing off in my body, and my T has been slowly rising because of my now healthy thyroid, and I've actually noticed a LOT more mental clarity. I'm even driving my car better, if that makes sense (I don't know if anyone else gets mind fog to that degree, or if maybe I just notice it more because I had low E to begin with. But I definitely love it! I feel like I've been smoking weed nonstop for a year and now I'm finally flushing it out of my system and seeing the world clearer. I feel like I'm able to be more myself, and even just having extra T back in my system again makes me behave more like a guy than the way I faked being a girl with E. BTW, I'd share my boobs with all of you if I could. ;P

@LookingForward2NBE
2 capsule? You mean my Natural Curves, that's only 2 pills a day? Is that what you're talking about?
For the two weeks I used it or whatever, I noticed it was much weaker than my PM (although still decently strong for so few pills). So I added 1 500mg Dong Quai, and 1 Red Clover EXTRACT pill a day, and that seemed to help strengthen it (Natural Curves has Pepperine in it, which helps absorb things into your body better, so always take them together!)
As I stated, I'm going to let y'all know how it goes for my friend if she continues on it.

@tibetan
Thank you, and yes, I'm very eager, because if anything, this past year of mistakes has at least taught me that change is possible!

[AbiDrew85]

It's nothing you could have talked me out of, it's ok. Just something I had to try, I suppose. Live and learn, right? I just wish I'd learned years ago like I should have, haha!

Actually, you're one of the few people I thought about when I made my realization. I can tell giving in and working towards your true inner self has made you happy, and I realized I could be happy. So I do definitely thank you for everything you share here, you're definitely one of my biggest inspirations in this! <3 I've got hope that because of my PCOS, it will be fairly easy to increase my natural testosterone before getting on HRT. :3

I'm honestly kind of glad my progress came so fast, so that I could realize my feelings sooner rather than later. I think I'm mad at myself now for putting it off for so long, but how mad would I be if I didn't realize it until after 3+ years of slow NBE? ^^;

And I know considering it a disorder is very controversial, but I'm willing to accept it as that simply because it makes it easier for those who aren't transgendered to understand what the term actually means. We go through mental hell trying to find happiness for ourselves. Even as small children. This isn't just a decision we made. It's how we were made from the start. And I completely understand just how hard it is for someone happy with their gender to comprehend. Because I'm in the "wrong" body, and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.

Yeah... Actually I guess I kinda knew not to address it... If anyone had tried telling me when I was going through that stage that I was really a girl and that I should just accept it and start working towards that I'd've been like WTH are you smoking?

But still. At the same time part of me is going... I KNEW it! Shouldn't I have SAID SOMETHING!? :/

Ah well. You had to go through it. It's part of growing up for us. Or at least it USED to be. I kind of think that the newer generation, the current "child" transsexuals, actually are finding self-acceptance much easier than any of us older models.

I don't know if it's just because society is becoming less rigid about gender roles, which they are, or if it's because these young folks are that much stronger than we were. I kinda think it's the latter more than the former.

[Doll]

Don't beat yourself up over it, I don't blame you for not saying anything. (YOU BITCH, YOU COULDA SAVED ME SO MUCH TIME AND TORMENT!!!) ;P

And I think you're right about the newer kids. Growing up, I honestly had no idea that SRS was even possible. I just always dreamed that I could wish to be a boy and just wake up one day in a different body! Haha! But it's much more commonplace nowadays, so I think the younger generation grows up with a much more open view on the transgender world.

[AbiDrew85]

BTW!

There's something I saw once in all my researching that you might be interested in. Google phellodendron bark. It's supposed to be a powerful anti-aromatase.