(01-11-2013, 00:21)Jenniferlove Wrote: Hmmm, I have a couple things to say to this. First off, I don't think the cut-and-dry guy is the bigger, better man in the situation. I believe that if it's going to ruin a girl's self-esteem best leave it be. How many of us girls think our guy could lose his gut or this or that to be more "ideal". Many I'm sure. And yet strangely I love my guy exactly as he is even though his look is usually far from my ideal. Love is a strange thing.
Well thanks for your two cents because, although the other two paragraphs that you wrote I am in agreement with and were not in discord with what I wrote, I found this first paragraph interesting.
I honestly thought that no one willingly preferred the bliss of ignorance, and that everyone would prefer to hear brutal truth over things that we
want to hear. For example, I know that SENIO was not hurt at all by what he said but was more shocked initially, and then in the aftermath she was grateful for his honesty. I... had
no idea that people actually knowingly prefer to be in the state of "ignorance is bliss" and I was under the impression that most people actually believed that line "you are perfect just the way you are" to be literal and 100% true. I do believe that many people do believe it, but you have enlightened me to discover that there are also those who do not believe it, but would rather avoid the brutal truth. Thanks for demonstrating for me that some people willingly prefer to be told the things they want to hear. I completely respect this as long as the person is "in the know." To each their own, and whatever makes them happiest! But I guess this would also apply to those who like the honest men and prefer the cut-and-dry honest truth, wouldn't it? I am happiest--and so is SENIO--with men who are 100% honest with us (well, as close to 100% as you can get. I don't believe there is such a thing as a 100% honest guy).
As for ruining a girl's self-esteem: Are we not strong enough to hold our own self-esteem? Knowing that my breasts are smaller than preferred DOES NOT hurt my self-esteem. A woman's self-esteem SHOULD NOT be dependent on a man's opinion of her. What a weight that is for him to carry! I would hope that my man's self-esteem wouldn't depend on my opinion of him, or honestly I would most certainly leave that man. A woman should be strong enough in herself to know that NO ONE is perfect and that he loves her for being the unique person that she is. And she should love herself, first and foremost. It is because we are all so weak that men are so scared to be honest with us, and this is a shame. I want my man to be comfortable enough to be honest with me, but he was so afraid to be honest with me for the longest time (due to having previous relationships with the more stereotypical woman, whose self-esteem is dependent on a man's opinion, AND due to the fact that I was still working on my self-esteem at the beginning of our relationship so I did overreact to a lot of things initially) that his lies hurt me more than any honesty could ever have hurt me. Lies are hurtful to relationships, and one lie can easily lead to another, which is fact. If all women were strong in themselves and did not let the mass media wear them down, then hearing little critiques from her man (along with compliments, of course) should NEVER bring down her self-esteem. She should be happy that he respects her enough to be able to give her critiques, because she knows she is strong and knows he does not have to walk on egg shells or say everything with "a flower on top" to keep her from getting upset. I would never want to have to feel like I had to walk on egg shells all the time to be with my man, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to want to deal with that from me.
In college, I was the best in my choir, and I knew it. My director was always critiquing me more and being more hard on me than anyone else in the choir... and one day, I actually cried out of frustration with myself. I was not as strong back then. He took me aside and explained to me that because I was so great, he felt he could critique me more. It made perfect sense to me after that, and I took his critiquing as a compliment thereafter. This is true in so many things in life. I believe it works the same way with our significant others as well. I know that mine never has an issue with his self-image because he is so darn good-looking, I can say anything I want and he will laugh because he knows how I
really feel about him. He is confident and blessed and, therefore, can take critiques. Another previous ex I had, however, was not as blessed (although he was cute, he did not have a trail of women following him like my most recent man did) in the looks department AND had self-esteem issues. I loved him and showed confidence in him, but he always got upset when I placed my confidence with him and gave him a critique. A result to this was that I stopped telling him the truth and started seeing him in the light he saw himself. With less respect for him, also came less honesty about how I felt about things concerning him. And although many believe in settling as they may have to, I knew I did not have to settle, and I left because I want to be with someone confident so that I can be open with them about how I feel.
And yes, I know what it is to love a man with flaws. They ALL do, even the gorgeous one of which I spoke. He had a thick waist for the first few years I was with him, and I used to pinch it teasingly. I loved him, thick waist and all. As much as a thick waist bothers me, HIS didn't bother me because I already loved him and everything else about him.
(01-11-2013, 00:36)ELLACRAIG Wrote: And yes its funny how we were perfect in their eyes before then "hello" they are even more attentive now with what we are doing
And yes agreed id be devastated if my hubby said I wasnt busty enough for him and he knows it so he would never say that. But I know hes more interested now in the way he looks at me etc etc and I havent even made a big difference in size yet but ive changed my attitude towards my body and am making a concious effort to dress and accentuate myself more. I hope senio finds the answer shes looking for and that the guy accepts and chooses to be with her for who she is no matter whether she tries nbe or not.
Did you understood what JennLove was saying when she said "My bf has said time and time again that I am PERFECT. Hmmm..... funny how the larger I get the more compliments I get"? She was saying that she knows when he says he thinks she is perfect, that he doesn't mean it literally. She said that it is funny because he is kinda contradicting himself, and that obviously he never literally thought she was perfect before as he sees her increase in bust size as an improvement. I am telling you this because, based on your response, it seems that you find it to be an amazing phenomenon more than just a man saying what he needs to say to keep his girl happy. I could be wrong, though, on your take of what she wrote. Probably because you did not put the word "perfect" in quotes, and you ended the sentence with a smiley face.
As for your hubby finding you more attractive even though you have not had a size increase but you have had an obvious increase in confidence, that is no big news break (well, to me anyway). It is known that men are more attracted to more confident women, so why would your increase in confidence
not attract him? Seems like a no-brainer to me! Keep it up!
As for SENIO, she did find what she was looking for, which is why she said "thanks" and hasn't been on again since. I do believe that he accepted her for who she was, as she says she knows that he loves her. Just, since he was a boob guy, he had a hard time making the adjustment. She respected that and appreciated his honesty, and he didn't say that he didn't want to be with her, only that he was having difficulty putting his hands up her shirt. That's all. I don't understand where everyone gets off saying that this guy is so mean for being honest with her, when everyone else's man is telling those things to their bros instead of to their women, and are just doing what they need to do to keep her happy.
He will choose to be with her if he loves her. No man has ever chosen to be with a girl or chosen not to be with a girl based solely on her looks. SENIO is not concerned about him not wanting to be with her. She was solely concerned about satisfying him. And I think that is a concern that we all should have as it is healthy to want to satisfy our men. If they are jerks, they will walk out, and there will be no need to satisfy them anyway. But those who stay and are just not completely satisfied? I don't see anything wrong with this, as they are obviously staying because they love the girl and are being honest with the girl out of respect for them.