[Missed Miss]

One of our new members here has been talking to me in PM for the past few weeks and has been telling me that her hubby beats the shit out of her on a daily basis. She's 26. Today she wrote and told me that he broke her jaw last night!!!! She lives in or very near India. Does anyone here know of a way to help her or can you give suggestions of what she can do to stop him and/or get the fuck away from him?
I've already told her to call the police on him. She says he's not afraid of the police. I think that if she'd report his sorry ass, he'd be PLENTY afraid of them!!!! Especially now that she has a broken jaw to show them as proof of her physical abuse!!!! I've also suggested she take a Louisville Slugger (or at least a cricket bat) and try to park his head in the cheap seats!! Or at least try replace his Adam's Apple with his balls!!!!

[EllaC]

my best friend was going through the same thing. he was such a nutter he chose to believe that her and I were an item behind his back. when it got to that point and my family was at stake I took a step back.
I tried and tired to get her to leave but "at the end of the day" she didn't leave until things hit rock bottom and one can only hope that this is rock bottom for your friend.
if you knew her better id say get hold of her family! if her family knew they would intervene in a way that might make her see sence. alternatively her friends. I tried to contact the authorities with my friend but they said outright "there's nothing you can do, if she doesn't want to leave him then nobody can force her too"
the best you can do is try to get her know her on a more personal level, try and milk as much info out of her about her personal life as you can and try intervene from there.

having been there and done that I can tell you if she doesn't want to leave then all of your efforts might be in vain. I worried myself stupid about my friend, it seemed none of her friends or family cared that he was beating her and it all go me nowhere! she didn't leave because "she still loved him" etc etc. and it took many months and many incidents before she left - when she was good and ready..

[timarie]

One of our new members here has been talking to me in PM for the past few weeks and has been telling me that her hubby beats the shit out of her on a daily basis. She's 26. Today she wrote and told me that he broke her jaw last night!!!! She lives in or very near India. Does anyone here know of a way to help her or can you give suggestions of what she can do to stop him and/or get the fuck away from him?
I've already told her to call the police on him. She says he's not afraid of the police. I think that if she'd report his sorry ass, he'd be PLENTY afraid of them!!!! Especially now that she has a broken jaw to show them as proof of her physical abuse!!!! I've also suggested she take a Louisville Slugger (or at least a cricket bat) and try to park his head in the cheap seats!! Or at least try replace his Adam's Apple with his balls!!!!

You're forgetting that you just mentioned that she lives in or very near India (whatever THAT means). Anyway, what I am saying is this: cultures change a lot in the situation for people. I personally am not familiar with India as it is one place I have never been, but I do know there are locations on this earth in which they either 1) have a shitty police force, so um yeah she could be 100% accurate when she says he is not afraid of the police, she might not be underestimating the situation 2) some cultures don't view domestic abuse in the way that we do. You need to remember that. She may be in a society where her reaching out and asking for help may be looked down upon and shamed upon. So, before you go trying to "help" anyone, if they are from another culture, you need to fully understand their situation and their culture if you hope to get anywhere with it.

That is my piece of advice.

[Missed Miss]

One of our new members here has been talking to me in PM for the past few weeks and has been telling me that her hubby beats the shit out of her on a daily basis. She's 26. Today she wrote and told me that he broke her jaw last night!!!! She lives in or very near India. Does anyone here know of a way to help her or can you give suggestions of what she can do to stop him and/or get the fuck away from him?
I've already told her to call the police on him. She says he's not afraid of the police. I think that if she'd report his sorry ass, he'd be PLENTY afraid of them!!!! Especially now that she has a broken jaw to show them as proof of her physical abuse!!!! I've also suggested she take a Louisville Slugger (or at least a cricket bat) and try to park his head in the cheap seats!! Or at least try replace his Adam's Apple with his balls!!!!

You're forgetting that you just mentioned that she lives in or very near India (whatever THAT means). Anyway, what I am saying is this: cultures change a lot in the situation for people. I personally am not familiar with India as it is one place I have never been, but I do know there are locations on this earth in which they either 1) have a shitty police force, so um yeah she could be 100% accurate when she says he is not afraid of the police, she might not be underestimating the situation 2) some cultures don't view domestic abuse in the way that we do. You need to remember that. She may be in a society where her reaching out and asking for help may be looked down upon and shamed upon. So, before you go trying to "help" anyone, if they are from another culture, you need to fully understand their situation and their culture if you hope to get anywhere with it.

That is my piece of advice.

That means, from she says, she's on some island off the coast of India, but she's from Hyderabad, India.
I completely understand your two points. I've never been to India, either, but HAVE dated someone from there for 10 years, so I have SOME idea of what it's like.
Thanks for the advice.

[Missed Miss]

my best friend was going through the same thing. he was such a nutter he chose to believe that her and I were an item behind his back. when it got to that point and my family was at stake I took a step back.
I tried and tired to get her to leave but "at the end of the day" she didn't leave until things hit rock bottom and one can only hope that this is rock bottom for your friend.
if you knew her better id say get hold of her family! if her family knew they would intervene in a way that might make her see sence. alternatively her friends. I tried to contact the authorities with my friend but they said outright "there's nothing you can do, if she doesn't want to leave him then nobody can force her too"
the best you can do is try to get her know her on a more personal level, try and milk as much info out of her about her personal life as you can and try intervene from there.

having been there and done that I can tell you if she doesn't want to leave then all of your efforts might be in vain. I worried myself stupid about my friend, it seemed none of her friends or family cared that he was beating her and it all go me nowhere! she didn't leave because "she still loved him" etc etc. and it took many months and many incidents before she left - when she was good and ready..

I had the SAME thing!!!! My best friend was not allowed to talk to me anymore because her hubby was SURE we had sex one night long before they got married. Truth be told, we only say together and listened to music for about 3 hours and the MOST I did with her of a "sexual" nature was to kiss her once...on top of her head!! I hadn't seen her for 8 years since then!! She told me of all the horrible things he's said and done to her and I told her time and time again to drop his ass like a hot brick and see if she could find a NICE guy. But, as far as she was concerned, if she left him for another guy, the other guy would be worse, so, she felt she should just stick with what she got!! These days, now that she's filing for divorce, she hates his guts and can't wait `til the kids are 18 so she never has to see or deal with him ever again!! She HAS found another guy and he sounds like a REAL nice guy!! I haven't met him yet, but she & I are in steady contact again!! :-DDDD
So far, rock bottom for this Indian girl is that, as of today, she's told me that she's been thinking of killing herself to end the torture. She has no family or friends (except me).

[EllaC]

Oh shit missed. Thats a big burden on your shoulders!
I just cant see a way for you to help her ??? Unless you put her on a plane and get her out of there! I guess sometimes its easier to share your troubles with complete stranger for fear and fear of being judged.

[Missed Miss]

Oh shit missed. Thats a big burden on your shoulders!
I just cant see a way for you to help her ??? Unless you put her on a plane and get her out of there! I guess sometimes its easier to share your troubles with complete stranger for fear and fear of being judged.

If I had scads of cash, I WOULD have her get on a plane!!
Well, for some reason, we talked a bit at first, but she made the first contact. Then she started telling me of her troubles.

Y'know what REALLY bugs me? I've met SOOOO MANY women in the past 20 to 30 years that are abused by their boyfriends/spouses, but NONE of them want to leave them and find a NICE guy!! The thing about all this that REALLY chaps my ass is that I AM a REALLY nice guy, the kind women claim they're looking for, but can never find!! But, when I let them know I AM a nice guy and am available and interested in them, they ALWAYS decided to go after someone else, who, at LEAST 7 times out of 10, becomes and abusive asshole towards her and THEN she comes to cry on MY shoulder about it!!!! I REALLY don't mind helping her if I can, but, as you mentioned, no matter WHAT great advice you give them, they ALWAYS stick with him!!!! WHAT is the FUCKING ATTRACTION?????? WHY do they go after guys that beat them up???? Do I have to become a complete abusive asshole just to get a woman?????? Maybe the cavemen were right!! Maybe I DO have to club a girl over the head and drag her back to my cave to be my wife!!!! Being really nice to them CERTAINLY ain't working!!!!!!!!

[EllaC]

Fristly: Can I be there when you club a girl over the head and drag her off to your cage???

Secondly: Yes maybe you are right, don't become an asshole but maybe just stop listening to them as much lol, then you don't become the confidant/friend!

Fyi, I went out with all the pricks but I also went out with the nice guys. And for all the nice guys I knew, they ALL found a f'ing awesome chick as will you.

And yes I've seen it with many of my friends too, and it usually was the most confident of them that ended up with a man beater who broke their spirits and they took their bloody time leaving these guys too. But not before many many hours of phonecalls about all the shit stuff these guys had done to them :s

[Missed Miss]

Fristly: Can I be there when you club a girl over the head and drag her off to your cage???

That's CAVE, not CAGE.

Secondly: Yes maybe you are right, don't become an asshole but maybe just stop listening to them as much lol, then you don't become the confidant/friend!

Fyi, I went out with all the pricks but I also went out with the nice guys. And for all the nice guys I knew, they ALL found a f'ing awesome chick as will you.

And yes I've seen it with many of my friends too, and it usually was the most confident of them that ended up with a man beater who broke their spirits and they took their bloody time leaving these guys too. But not before many many hours of phonecalls about all the shit stuff these guys had done to them :s

So, what exactly is it that a girl looks for in these guys that makes them WANT to be with an abuser?? A friend of mine out west told me that the day she married this one guy, they were in the car on the way to their honeymoon and he turned to her and punched her in the face!!!! She said, "What was THAT for??" He said, "Just so you know who's the boss!" A few years later (2 years ago) after they split up, he came to see her and broke her arm in several places with a baseball bat!!!!

[EllaC]

Fristly: Can I be there when you club a girl over the head and drag her off to your cage???

That's CAVE, not CAGE.

Secondly: Yes maybe you are right, don't become an asshole but maybe just stop listening to them as much lol, then you don't become the confidant/friend!

Fyi, I went out with all the pricks but I also went out with the nice guys. And for all the nice guys I knew, they ALL found a f'ing awesome chick as will you.

And yes I've seen it with many of my friends too, and it usually was the most confident of them that ended up with a man beater who broke their spirits and they took their bloody time leaving these guys too. But not before many many hours of phonecalls about all the shit stuff these guys had done to them :s

So, what exactly is it that a girl looks for in these guys that makes them WANT to be with an abuser?? A friend of mine out west told me that the day she married this one guy, they were in the car on the way to their honeymoon and he turned to her and punched her in the face!!!! She said, "What was THAT for??" He said, "Just so you know who's the boss!" A few years later (2 years ago) after they split up, he came to see her and broke her arm in several places with a baseball bat!!!!

You know to be honest, in some cases us girls look for the bad boys cause they have an edge but the for the most part with my friends the guy was actually reallllly nice to begin with and then some time down the track the guy actually changed and became abusive. I guess that begs the question, the minute you notice a guy start down that path you either bolt or you stick around in the hopes that he will change? My friends and sibling did just that! Where as over the years if I caught even a hint of a guy being abusive I was out of there like a shot! PS WHAT A PRICK that dude was to your friend..