[Ceci82]

Oh to get away from the everpresent chocolate Easter eggs is impossible ! I'm still being a victim of Easter ( I´ve spent the whole week eating chocolate ).

PS: Good to know about the cardigan

[isobasic]

Chocolate is good for the soul and a healthy soul is the basis of a healthy body...or something

[Ceci82]

Chocolate is good for the soul and a healthy soul is the basis of a healthy body...or something

Amen sister ! haha

[blessedbreasts]

LOL it sounds like Easter is attacking most of us ("Tonight, on 'When Easter Attacks...'" )! I was just reading in someone else's thread the other day that they're still falling victim to it, too. Glad to know I'm in good company.

Thanks, girls.

[blessedbreasts]

Okay, I need to be honest and vent a little, get something off my chest.

I probably come off as very positive on here, and I'm certainly trying! But in real life, I'm not very positive toward myself. I'm constantly muttering or thinking "I'm so stupid" "I'm so dumb" "Why am I so disgusting?" Things of that nature.

I stayed with my mom today because she's sick, and when she's sick, because she's already physically compromised as it is, it's more difficult for her than when other people are sick. She wanted me to stay with her, so I did. I was sitting with her with my hand on hers, watching her and waiting for her to fall asleep. So, since my mind was idle, I immediately started beating myself up, thinking "You didn't have to stay home today just to watch your mother sleep, what's wrong with you? This is probably all she's going to be doing. Did you really need to be around just for that? Why are you so irresponsible?" And I thought back "What I'm doing is a good thing. The Bible says to honor your father and your mother. I want to honor Mom the way she's honored me. Mom comes first, before anything else." And my brain immediately answered, "Wow, stop trying to act all noble. Why are you so arrogant? So what you do is 'good?' Try being humble for once." And it was like that snapped me out of it and I finally had the sense to be upset at that way of thinking and I teared up, asking myself "Why are you so hard on yourself? Why is it always like this?" It's like no matter what I do, in my head, it's the wrong thing, even if what I'm doing is technically good. I automatically think it's the wrong decision purely because I'M the one who made the decision. I somehow find the bad in it and blame myself. And I'm just now realizing how absurd that is.

I know all this self-inflicted negativity is bad for my NBE chances. I want it to stop, but I don't know how to turn it off, because I've done it for so long. It's second nature. I need to pray about it and ask God to help me get over myself and stop thinking about myself so much. I'm not especially "bad" or "wrong" just because I'm me. That notion unto itself is so self-absorbed (and, yes, I realize how ironic that statement is).

Anyway, I'm sorry about this post. I know it's very different from what I usually have to say. I'll be working on liking myself from now on.

[isobasic]

I can empathise a lot with what you're saying and I think it really can take its toll on your physical health when you're constantly beating yourself up mentally. To take one thing off your list of things to reproach yourself for though is thinking about yourself. Everyone thinks about themselves because they ARE themselves. It doesn't make them selfish. Trying to be totally selfless is unrealistic as you are just one individual and there's only so much of the world that you can cram into your mind. And try to ignore over-analysing your choices - if the effect of what your doing is beneficial to others, what else matters?

[EllaC]

BB I know how you feel.
For all the years of looking after my mother in the same position. A lot of time spent at home when I wanted to be elsewhere. A lot of QUIET time to run all these scenarios in your head of "this that and the other".
It drives/drove me bonkers too. My mind never stops ticking over.
First off theres going to be a wonderful life waiting for you at the end of all this, you will be repaid for all the love you are putting into your family. A husband and children and all that brings.

Now this might help with the right now. Because you and I are soo alike :p I found and use a homeopathic product, or a couple actually called "white chestnut" and "rescue remedy" - you probably know of them already. White Chestnut quiets the mind & slows down the constant brain chatter and Rescue Remedy is just amazing. Calms you down. All very mild and wont interfere with anything you take.
Next I try to keep busy. When i'm having those days I just try to keep busy, go for walks, re arrange stuff. You get the drift and when I start to think negative I divert my thoughts to other things or say in my head "shut up ella lol "

[blessedbreasts]

I can empathise a lot with what you're saying and I think it really can take its toll on your physical health when you're constantly beating yourself up mentally. To take one thing off your list of things to reproach yourself for though is thinking about yourself. Everyone thinks about themselves because they ARE themselves. It doesn't make them selfish. Trying to be totally selfless is unrealistic as you are just one individual and there's only so much of the world that you can cram into your mind. And try to ignore over-analysing your choices - if the effect of what your doing is beneficial to others, what else matters?

Thanks, isobasic. Goes to show you how impossibly hard I am on myself, that I'd beat myself up for doing something that literally everyone else does. I think I expect myself to be this flawless angel being incapable of messing up. Really ridiculous. I love the last thing you said there. That's what should matter most. I'll try to remember that from now on.

[blessedbreasts]

BB I know how you feel.
For all the years of looking after my mother in the same position. A lot of time spent at home when I wanted to be elsewhere. A lot of QUIET time to run all these scenarios in your head of "this that and the other".
It drives/drove me bonkers too. My mind never stops ticking over.
First off theres going to be a wonderful life waiting for you at the end of all this, you will be repaid for all the love you are putting into your family. A husband and children and all that brings.

Now this might help with the right now. Because you and I are soo alike :p I found and use a homeopathic product, or a couple actually called "white chestnut" and "rescue remedy" - you probably know of them already. White Chestnut quiets the mind & slows down the constant brain chatter and Rescue Remedy is just amazing. Calms you down. All very mild and wont interfere with anything you take.
Next I try to keep busy. When i'm having those days I just try to keep busy, go for walks, re arrange stuff. You get the drift and when I start to think negative I divert my thoughts to other things or say in my head "shut up ella lol "

You really learn a lot about yourself when you're a caregiver, don't you? It's amazing. Too much time to think, ugh. Thank you, I hope you're right! I can't wait to start a family of my own.

I've never heard of those products! I'm looking into them right now. Thank you. I've actually been wanting to try something natural to help me with my moods and feelings. (I've even wanted to try not-so-natural things, like popping some of my mom's pills, but I've resisted)

"shut up ella lol" Ha ha, I'm going to try this! I think I'll add "You're fine" at the end as well. And I think I'll go on a cleaning spree whenever the thoughts try to take over.

Thank you so so so much. This helps a lot! *hugs*

P.S.: My mum is doing much better, and she's glad I stayed with her. :-)

[isobasic]

Aww you guysss I'm so glad I found this forum. I was hoping to improve physically but I never expected to find such a good place for sharing and support. You ladies are very strong for being carers too, you have my respect.