(18-04-2013, 23:08)Doll Wrote: This thread is so depressing. I've developed personality disorders from people teasing me my entire life (not just for my small breasts), and to see that others have had to deal with the same thing is just terrible. I know it seems like good advice to tell people not to dwell on others' negative comments, but for some of us who've been teased our whole lives, there's nothing that can be done. We will always be ashamed in our bodies. Even though I realize I won't ever be happy in my body, I still feel like NBE and weight training will help me at least feel better about myself.
I work myself so hard trying to improve myself, and when I look around, I see tons of other women who do nothing but just are beautiful. Women who are more than obese yet still have all the confidence in the world. I even know a girl from high school who is very obese, has no butt and small breasts, and a very plain jane personality. Yet she constantly posts status updates on Facebook about how curvy she is and how beautiful curvy women are. When I see these things I wonder why I can't just be happy with what I have, even if I'm not pin-up curvy.
NBE HAS helped with my self-esteem, although honestly, just barely. I feel slightly more confident in the nude, but not at all in clothes (still no cleavage). I am doing NBE for myself, to feel better, more confident, less anxious. But in the back of my head, I still secretly want to grow large, beautiful breasts to shove in the faces of those who teased me for my small breasts.
I understand how you feel, but I've read your posts and it sounds like you are prettier than me. I am sooo envious of your waist and your breasts are bigger than mine too. There are always people who think you are beautiful even when you think you are ugly, thats something to keep in mind. But I know your struggle. Today my friend told me: Do you remember when strange girls asking for your picture in highschool 'because they wanted to have pictures of nature disasters'? well that kind of things still make me enraged today. Do you understand? Did people say such things to you as well?
Years of my life anonymous people said things like that...a lot were guys, which hurted me the most. you look hideous.. go kill yourself... eww nobody wants to have sex with you... I think above all, it has made me narcissistic. I experienced the eating disorder, self harm, social anxiety, paranoid phases untill i realized 'no one gives a shit whether you want to wallow in self-pity because of this superficial stuff, there are people with real problems you know' and now I'm stuck in this grande illusion of 'once I will be pretty and I'll show them' but what good will it bring? Getting rid of a dissappointment like having small breasts instead of dealing with the fact you have small breasts is in my opinion also throwing away a mental growth process of acceptance, accepting negative emotions and self-love..
True love is unconditional,blah blah cliché but I believe it is true. Even though it is such a minor thing as a pair of breasts... it says, I am rather driven by hate than that I learn how to love. For example people with a narcissistic personality disorder are being raised by parents that only loved them when they lived up to their expections. And I am not a psychiatrist and I don't know much about psychology but I see a lot of similarities between the upbringing of cold critical judging parents and the harsh, perfectionistic 'social upbringing' by other children, schoolmates and other kind of social environments that show no acceptance of normal human flaws. In my opinion people with personality disorders are victims of their past... but also with a choice to let go of it, only it is difficult because it is not always clear how things still affect you subconsciously. But with bullying and trying to grow bigger breasts the link can't be more obvious
Before I wrote the begin of this post I literally wrote: "I dream of shedding the image of the 'disastrous looking monster girl'. Do you have a drawing or image of your ideal body/ideal look? It may be a motivation, I am going to draw my goal."
But now I think... what do we need motivation for...keeping the weight of others unhappiness, judgements and negativity on our shoulders?
You can get anaesthetic injected in a body part that is there, you can get surgery on it, but no one can perform surgery on an invisible limb when you have phantom pain because you choosed the easy way by amputating it. Why would it be any different with sources of unhappiness?
I am sorry - a long nonsense story, I took extra ritalin and alcohol and it is making me kind of manic and in a rambling mode.
